Category Archives: Christie Brinkley in pantyhose

Grizzly confronts pantyhose maven


Robin Maryland, president, ActSensuous

Robin Maryland,
president, ActSensuous

As my loyal readers know, besides their comments here, I receive tons of private emails concerning everything you can imagine about pantyhose (but, almost always clean and classy, which I appreciate).

Naturally, I’m always interested in hearing the views of others, so I am open to receiving unexpected emails or letters to our P.O. Box.

But nothing could have prepared me for the note that was slipped under my door recently. It was like a scene from the X-Files. It’s almost midnight and I’m still working alone in my office.

With the place dimly lit, I notice an ominous shadow cast under the door jam. I’m a little anxious. Who’d be calling on me at this hour? This can’t be good. Then, a note is slid under my door and the shadow just as suddenly disappears.

Office scene.jpg Typically, I don’t get too excited about a hand-delivered note as long as it’s not a bill or a jury summons.

But this had a strange sense of urgency about it, so I read it at once. Hand-scrawled on scrap paper, it read:

“Dear Rob (I was surprised, as only my closest friends call me Rob),

If you consider yourself a responsible journalist, you won’t pass up the opportunity to expose the discrimination and repression that has been wrought against beardom for the past zillion years or so.”

It was signed simply: The Grizzly

At first, I thought the whole thing was a prank, but the next day an invitation came via a text message (how do these people get my number?) with a time and date to meet The Grizzly at his office (I didn’t know Grizzly bears even have offices) for an exclusive interview. I have to admit, I was filled with some level of trepidation. What could The Grizzly want with me? Was this about my poaching Sarah Jessica Parker — his signature client in his “bear” legs cause? Did he want a piece of me?

So, I reread the note. Yes, he wanted a piece alright. The Grizzly was inviting me to write a piece about … what did he call it … oh, yes, the discrimination and repression of beardom.   Hmmmm, my arch enemy was reaching out to me to shed light on an issue that was troubling not only him, but “all of beardom.” (I hadn’t realized there’s a beardom.)

While I probably should have thought better of the idea, the curiosity was too much for me to “bear” (yuk yuk), so I accepted the invitation, and a limousine arrived for me the next morning. Wow, The Grizzly certainly has a sense of class and style, sending a limo for me.  And it was a nice ride to a more well-to-do neighborhood than I expected.

Welcome .jpg FinalThe entrance and driveway were impressive enough, and then I looked up at a very large and really tall house before The Grizzly came out to meet me. I was shocked at how big this guy really is. Must be 14 feet tall, and I couldn’t even begin to guess how much he weighs.   I was certain my kung fu would be of no use against such a specimen.  I had willingly walked into the bear’s domain and was on my own now.

To my relief, The Grizzly was quite formal and engaging. He invited me into his office. He called it the den. (I thought that was clever.)   It was warm and cozy, kind of like a man cave, only he’s a Grizzly, so I’d have to say it was a bear cave. He took a seat in the den in a plush chair that probably should have been a lot bigger.  

He got right to the point:

“Being The Grizzly is no picnic,” he said.

Picnic BearI stifled a giggle. “No picnic.” That was cute. Bears certainly are linked to picnics, I thought, and I couldn’t stop this image from forming in my head.   But somehow he must have gotten that same image because in his version, the bear’s picnic basket was packed generously with ActSensuous pantyhose for food.

“Don’t get me wrong,” he continued. “I mean, yeah, I’m at the top of the food chain and all in my world.  But people are really missing the point here. If it weren’t for my role as champion of the bare legs cause, no one would care about bears.”

“Wait a minute, you mean you represent that ugly subculture of women who hate pantyhose just for the attention,” I asked?

“Oh, it’s all PR,” he said. “I do it strictly for the image.”

“Seriously, Grizzly bears have an image problem,” I asked?

“Think about it,” he said. “What kind of images do you associate with bears?”

Brown bear taxiHe was right. The first thing that came to my mind was hunting. Then, all kinds of terrible thoughts hit me, such as a mounted bear inside a cabin at a resort, and those huge bear skin rugs in front of fireplaces.

“Come to think of it, there are a lot of dreadful things humans associate with bears,” I admitted, swallowing hard.

“Yeah, well, that aint the half of it, sister,” he said. “Bears have been pushed around, disrespected and abused since time immemorial.

So, look, you showed up, proving you’re a responsible journalist after all. You want to hear my story, and will you print it in your blog?”

I agreed. And so the interview began. And, being true to my part of the agreement, here is the transcript of the interview between myself and The Grizzly:

The interview

Interview with The Grizzly


Robin: So, you’re saying bears have always had it bad?

Grizz movie posterGrizzly: Oh yeah, we get no respect. Never have. From always being depicted as the bad guys in movies, to being falsely accused of terrorizing campers … heck, just in everyday life, you humans are always dissing bears.

Robin: Really, always in everyday life? Gimme an example.            

Grizzly:  How much time you got?   There are so many examples.  Take everyday phrases you people say, using my species’ namesake.  They’re all negative:  There’s “Bear with me” when you’re taking too long to accomplish something. There’s “I can’t bear it” when you’re dealing with a hardship. There’s “bear down” when you’re taking on a difficult project. And then, there’s my all-time favorite: “Does a bear sh** in the woods?”

Robin: (Again, I tried not to laugh, remembering I had said after reading The Grizzly’s note in my office: “… the curiosity was too much for me to bear.”)

Robin: Well, I’m not sure you had to include that last one, but OK, I’ll give you that there are many things people say that have a negative connotation toward bears, although  really, they’re not intended that way. Still, there’s at least one positive “bear” phrase you should like.

Grizzly: Yeah, what’s that?

Robin:   “I come bearing gifts.”   

Grizzly: I come baring legs.

Robin: Haaaaaaa, good one!

Grizzly: Sorry, couldn’t resist. You walked right in to that one.

Robin: Yeah, I tend to do that.  I mean, I’m here, aint I?   But, really, not all movies make you the bad guy.

Grizzly: Name one that doesn’t.

Robin: Everybody loves Baloo the Bear in the movie, The Jungle Book. “Look for the bear necessities …”

Grizzly: Please stopping singing that.  I won’t be able to get that song out of my head for weeks now. Anyway, humans think that movie is cute, but at its essence, it’s embarrassing at best to bears.

Robin: Really?  Sorry to hear that.  OK, what about Smoky the Bear?  He’s certainly a good guy. He ought to be a role model for all bears. Heck, you’ve got a poster of him on your wall there.

Grizzly:  He’s … what’s the word I’m looking for … oh yeah, slow.

Robin: What?

Grizzly: Alright, he’s not slow really. But we bears don’t care for him.  He’s a little too chummy with you humans.

Robin: OK, that’s a bit disturbing to hear, especially now.   I think he’s a positive and endearing figure. We humans love Smoky the Bear.

Grizzly: Remember, only YOU can prevent forest rangers!

Robin: Uh, that’s forest fires.

Grizzly: That’s not how we bears say it.

Robin: OK, now I’m really nervous.  On to a different subject.  Could it be that you’re too defensive about your role in pop culture?

Grizzly: Look, bears have had a bad rap since as far back as the 1800s when that libelous story first came out about three bears and some snot-nosed little brat.

Robin: Goldilocks and the Three Bears?  Oh, c’mon, that’s one of the most popular fairy tales of all time.

Grizzly: Well, it didn’t start out that way. You should Google that title.

Robin: (The Grizzly uses Google?)

Grizzly: Originally, the Goldilocks character was an old hag who busted into a bear family’s cottage all uninvited you know. Today, that’s known as a home invasion. Then, she had the nerve to eat up their porridge and try to stay.  Nowadays, you call that squatting. And then, when the bear family comes home, she freaks out and bolts, accidentally falling to her death. But, it was the bears who got the blame for that, and we’ve been the bad guys ever since.

Robin:  Yeah, but another author came along later and changed the old hag character into a pretty little girl with golden hair who was actually treated more hospitably by the three bears. What about that?

Grizzly: Oh, sure, that innocent little girl. She broke into the bear family’s cottage, ate up their porridge, broke Baby Bear’s chair and then slept in Papa Bear’s bed.  Little brat probably even peed in the bed. Yet, she’s the hero. Little kids all over the world grow up thinking it’s OK to take advantage of bears, all because Goldilocks became a star.

Robin: Well, it’s just a fairy tale. And, I’d hardly call her a star. In fact, for the most part, Goldilocks has been all but forgotten for years.

Grizzly: Not by bears. We’re reminded of her every time we see a Chevy Chase movie co-starring that blonde who just so happens to be a direct descendant of Goldilocks.

Robin: Who’s that?

Grizzly: You know … Goldie Hawn.                                        

Robin: Ohhhhh, Goldilocks/Goldie Hawn. I get it.

Grizzly:  She had it all, that Goldie Hawn.  Beauty, talent, brains, and she was funny as heck.  And she really was a star. And, I’m sure you love the fact that she was a devoted pantyhose wearer in her day.

No matter the role or the scene, Goldie Hawn could be counted on to wear sheer nude or suntan pantyhose.

No matter the role or the scene, Goldie Hawn always could be counted on to wear sheer suntan (left) or nude pantyhose (above).

A3823%20Bird%20on%20a%20Wire1

Robin: Well, sure, I loved Goldie Hawn for all her talent and especially because she always wore sheer suntan or nude pantyhose in every movie of hers I ever saw.

But you ought to feel a little vindicated by the fact that Goldie’s actress daughter, Kate Hudson, doesn’t seem to share her mother’s sense of professionalism, class and good taste, to say nothing of femininity.  Shame, too, because the few times she does wear sheer pantyhose, she looks amazing. But for now anyway, it certainly seems she’s more likely to be seen bear-legged.

Grizzly: When you write up the transcript of this interview, how are you going to spell what you just said there?

Robin: What, bear-legged?  Uh, b a r e …

Grizzly: Riiiiiiight.

Robin: Heh heh heh. Well, speaking of that, you mentioned earlier that you champion the whole bear-legs cause just for the PR.  How’s that been working out for you?

Grizzly: During the mid-to-late ‘90s and the entire decade of 2000, it rocked to be The Grizzly. I mean, bare legs was all the rage. Women everywhere were wearing fabulous dresses or skirts, designer shoes with beautiful pedicures and then completely ruining the outfits with their bare legs. That was awesome! It really looked ridiculous, but they were all brainwashed. They even dressed that way at the office. Heck, even to weddings and funerals. Suddenly, bears were getting the love we always deserved.

Robin: Wait, you just said that the bear-legs look was ridiculous. Does that mean you really don’t hate pantyhose?

Grizzly snackGrizzly: No-no, not at all. I love pantyhose. They taste great. They’re my main source of fiber these days. C’mon, you’ve seen the pics. You’ve published them in your blog. Bears everywhere love ripping pantyhose — especially your brand — to shreds.

Listen, I’ve got a whole new image to uphold these days. I told you, I’m in this campaign for the good publicity. If women want to bare their legs in even the most professional or formal of venues, no matter how awful they look, that’s just good for business as far as I’m concerned?

Robin: I’ve never been able to figure out how so many women throughout the world lost their minds this way.     

Grizzly: Oh, you called it from the beginning: It was that whole Sex and the City thing that gave women the idea they could stop wearing pantyhose, coinciding with the casualization of the office in general. This just got women all over the world to jump on that bandwagon until bare legs turned into pop culture. I told you: Humans are easily influenced by a good story and a convincing actress.

Robin: Yeah, you really did have a pretty good run there with Sarah Jessica Parker, didn’t you?

Grizzly: You really shouldn’t remind me about that while you’re in The Grizzly’s den. But, yeah, we had a good thing going for a while there. She had women everywhere fooled for a long time. I still can’t believe you stole my best client.

Robin: Well, I didn’t really steal her from you.  I merely set the record straight. She was just playing a part on TV and in the movies. But it became clear that in real life, she wasn’t truly the pantyhose hater everyone thought she was. I had to give her Credit ‘wear’ Credit is Due.

Grizzly: I gotta admit: It hurt losing SJP. I thought we were close.

Robin: I did feel a little bad about that. But it was touching to see how you tried so hard to win her back. Very romantic you were.

Grizzly: Yeah, I’ll miss her. She and I were good together.

Robin: Actually, I always thought your true signature client was Stacy London.  I see you’ve got that picture of the two of you on your table there.

cid_422344d3-5af2-47c9-8349-8a3b6eeba827

“Fashion consultant” Stacy London of the reality TV show, ‘What Not to Wear,’ received the first Grizzly Award, on Dec. 6, 2011, and she appeared to be quite pleased about it.

Grizzly: Oh, what a great moment for beardom it was when she was bestowed with the inaugural Grizzly Award.   https://actsensuous.wordpress.com/2011/12/06/a-grizzly-goes-to-london/

And, boy, does Stacy London deserve it.  Still, SJP was a bigger star.  And the damage she did, whether intentionally or not, was good enough to sustain the bare-legs cause for probably a while to come still.                    

Robin: You might be right about that, but surely, you’ve noticed that it’s been more and more difficult for me to find a celebrity who’s truly deserving of The Grizzly Awards.

Grizzly: I have noticed that. And don’t call me Shirley.

Robin: Good gosh, who knew The Grizzly has a sense of humor?

Grizzly: Hey, I told you: It’s all about the PR, and humor is my calling card. But to answer your question, yes, membership in the bare legs club definitely has waned recently.  I mean there are still a few celebs who — since the opportunity to not wear was created in the first place — probably will never wear pantyhose again. I’ll go through my Rolodex and send you some names.

Robin: Really, you’d do that for me?  Wow, what a guy.  Wait a minute, you have a Rolodex?

Grizzly: Hey, you know the saying: “Keep your friends close, and your enemies over for dinner.” Or, something like that.

Robin: Uhhhhh, let’s be friends, not enemies, shall we?

Grizzly:  You really shouldn’t consider me the enemy. After all, I made you.                     

Robin:  Uhhhhhh, I’m sorry, come again?

Grizzly:  C’mon, your blog would be just another pile of dull crap about pantyhose on the Internet if it weren’t for The Grizzly Awards and your whole “bear” legs thing.  I have to admit, that was very clever.

Robin: Yeah, thanks, but I don’t know about that whole “you made me thing.” I kinda think I’ve made you. If you weren’t the face (or the legs, actually) of the “bear”-legs franchise, what would you being doing right now … stealing pic-i-nic baskets?

Grizzly: Oh, that was low …

Robin: Hey, it’s one more example of how you’re wrong about humans’ feelings toward bears. Everyone loves Yogi, ya know.

Grizzly: Uh, yeah, he’s a bit slow, too.

Robin: Oh boy!  OK, let’s get back to the fact that it’s increasingly difficult for me to find a celebrity today who is truly deserving of The Grizzly Awards because even if one thinks of her as a bear legger, at least occasionally, she can be seen wearing pantyhose. I don’t want to be thought of as unjustly attacking a celebrity who might be loved by many in either the pantyhose or the bear-legs camps. It would be too easy for someone to counter with: “Wait a minute, look at this picture: She was wearing pantyhose for this occasion, or at that venue.”   I could lose credibility if I pick on someone who does wear at least once in a while.

Grizzly: No, no, no, you gotta go with the percentages, kiddo. There are still quite a few celebs out there who wear pantyhose out and about — and I know how much you love that — but then, they go bare-legged to a formal ceremony, such as The Oscars or The Grammy Awards.  And I know how much you hate that.

Robin: Exactly. I truly hate that.

Grizzly: So present them with The Grizzly Awards already.

Robin: I would, but sometimes the lines are a bit blurred. It’s tough to tell who’s who in this contest.

Grizzly: C’mon, you know who these people are. I know a part of you feels it would be the right thing to do to hand out The Grizzly Award to Sandra Oh. Am I right? You know I’m right. You really do want to give Sandra Oh the coveted Grizzly Award, don’t you? It’s OK, you can say it. Everyone knows you do. You never see that chick in pantyhose, but you’re torn because the few times she did wear in the past, you think she looked amazing, and you loved her, and now you don’t want to make her look bad.

Robin: Man, you got me pegged.   How do you know these things? Who’ve you been talking with?

Grizzly:  Hellooooo, I read your blog, ya know. Want me to name others just like Sandra Oh?

Robin: Oh, please do. Wait, you read my blog? What a day this is turning into. The things I’m learning here.                                                         

Grizzly: OK, buckle your seatbelt. This aint gonna be pretty. You will not like some of these, but if you’re honest, you’ll have to admit I’m right.

Robin: Go for it.

Grizzly: Let’s just stay on the whole Asian theme. Your beloved Asian actresses you think are so wonderful. Here we go: Bai Ling, Devon Aoki, Gong Li, Jamie Cheung, Joan Chen, Lucy Liu, Maggie Q, Michelle Yeoh — that’s right, I said Michelle Yeoh. That one particularly hurts, doesn’t it?

Robin: Yes, that one really kills me. And the others hurt too.

Grizzly: But wait, there’s more: Jun Ji-hyun, Marie Matiko (has she ever worn a pair of pantyhose in her entire life?), Moon Bloodgood, Olivia Munn, Uhm Jung-hwa.

Robin: Stop, stop already. I love all of them, and they’ve each been known to wear pantyhose so beautifully, at least once in a while. You’re cruel.

Grizzly: Talk to the paw, Honey, talk to the paw. I just call ‘em as I see ‘em.

Robin: Well, you are right about Marie Matiko. I have never ever seen a single picture of her wearing pantyhose.  And that is so strange, as she is Japanese and wearing sheer pantyhose is practically the law in Japan.  I guess Marie Matiko is too Americanized to care.

BLV

But including Jun Ji-hyun (aka Jun Ji-hyeon, aka Gianna Jun) on your list is baffling to me.   Ji-Hyun wears pantyhose 10 times more frequently than all of those actresses you mentioned combined.  With me, she’ll always get credit for her starring role in the movie Blood: The Last Vampire (above), as she wore sheer nude pantyhose with her Japanese schoolgirl outfit.  (Note: Jun Ji-hyun, featured in this blog a few years ago, actually is Korean.)

https://actsensuous.wordpress.com/2011/05/16/a-treat-when-pantyhose-show-up-unexpectedly/

fullsizephoto365739

Jun Ji-hyun attends a press conference for her movie, The Thieves, a few years ago in Korea.

But, here’s the thing: She often appears wearing sheer pantyhose while attending press conferences (right) and movie premiers, and when performing in television commercials.

And if that weren’t enough, she’s also a professional model who almost always wears sheer pantyhose to cover some of the biggest international fashion magazines (below).

Yes, I love Jun Ji-hyun.

september-issue-2013-fashion-vogue-korea-jeon-ji-hyun

Jun Ji-hyun covers a recent edition of  fashion magazine, Vogue, in Korea.

Grizzly:  Yeah, yeah … OK, fine.  I’ll give you that one.   I can understand why you’re so high  on her.

She does seem to do everything right in your world.

Robin: Yes, she really is a class act in every way.  She is a very popular actress, beloved for her romantic comedies, which is why it was a such a surprise that she starred in Blood: The Last Vampire, and did an excellent job transitioning into a physical/martial arts genre.

And she certainly sets a great example for younger Asian celebs, who might otherwise attempt to emulate the way  Hollywood celebrities dress.

Robin: OK, so can we stop now?

Grizzly: Sure.

Robin: Thank you.

Grizzly: Kelly Hu.

Robin: Who?

Grizzly: Kelly H … Oh, OK, I see.   You got me with that one.   Niiiiiiiiice.

Robin: Sorry, couldn’t resist. Yeah, Kelly Hu — a gorgeous woman with great legs. Such a waste that she seems to never have heard of the word, pantyhose. Sure, there’s the extremely rare time when she wears black tights or fishnets with high boots, but that doesn’t count in my book. Why hide those legs in pantyhose under boots?

Grizzly: See what I mean? You’ve got a lot of choices to hand out a Grizzly Award. Want me to name the non-Asian celebs now?

Robin: No.

Grizzly: Amy Adams, Angelina Jolie, Eva Longoria, Gabrielle Anwar, Jennifer Aniston, Julianna Margulies, Leah Remini, Mila Kunis, Morena Baccarin, Rachel McAdams, Renee Zellweger, Robin Tuney, Sandra Bullock, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Sarah Shahi, Teri Hatcher, Yancy Butler …

Robin: But …

Grizzly: Yeah?

Robin: OK, fine.  Darn, those are some good names on your list. What happened to them? Of course, pantyhose lovers are happy that Julianna Margulies wears sheer nude pantyhose on The Good Wife, but she never wears during a late night talk show, and I’m guessing never to an awards show, or even when she’s out and about. That means she wears on The Good Wife only because she has to. If it were up to her, I’m sure she wouldn’t wear on that show.

Grizzly: Now you’re getting it. You’ve just been looking at it all wrong.

Robin:  Oh my goodness, I’m so confused now.

Grizzly: Listen, just because you’ve seen each one of them wear pantyhose in the past, or even recently on a TV show, or in a movie, you have to look at their complete body of work.   Most of them, left to their own devices, are going to go bare-legged. There really are a few of them who most definitely deserve to receive The Grizzly Award. In fact, I’ve got  one I am sure you’ve never thought of, whom I would venture to say has never worn pantyhose a day in her whole life.

Robin: Really?  Oh, do tell, do tell.

Grizzly:  I don’t want to spoil it for your readers by mentioning her here now. Tell you what … I’ll text you later, and you’ll agree with me. Then, she can be your next recipient of The Grizzly Awards.

Robin: Oh, c’mon, just give me a hint? (Wait a minute … The Grizzly can text?)

Grizzly: OK, sure. Actually, it might be fun for your readers. They know these things. In fact, they’ve probably already thought of this one. She’s an actress in her mid-30s and her initials are JB. I guarantee you won’t be able to find a single picture of her in sheer pantyhose.

Robin: Really? Can’t wait to learn who this one is.

Grizzly: Yeah, and here’s another candidate for you. Her initials are BB.

Robin: Game show host?

Grizzly: Bingo.

Robin: Yeah, I hate her. She’s gorgeous, but totally unprofessional. She never wears. She definitely deserves to receive The Grizzly Award. Actually, I wish Grizzlies would just eat her. No one I know would mind if a Grizzly just devoured her.

Readers, know the celebs (JB and BB) The Grizzly and Robin are talking about?  Tell us who they are via email (robin@actsensuous.com), and if you’re right, win one or two free pairs of ActSensuous pantyhose.

Receive one free pair for correctly naming one celebrity; get two free pairs for correctly naming both.

Only one email entry per reader please.

 

Grizzly: Now you’re coming around. You’ve been too nice, especially, when it comes to the borderline types. I say even though they used to be consistent pantyhose-wearers, if they have been seen more often bare-legged, they’re fair game for you.

Robin: Geez, you’re right, Grizz.  I really don’t understand some of these people.

Grizzly: Hey, listen, they don’t call it Hollyweird for nothing. (Grizz? Only my closest friends call me Grizz.)                                                   

Rob: OK, now on the other hand … check that … on the other paw (snicker), who would you say are some of the more famous celebrities who never bought in to the bear-legs culture from the get-go, or at least the ones who most consistently wear pantyhose for all the right reasons.

Grizz: Oh, you gotta go with Anne Hathaway, Christine Baransky, Christie Brinkley, Jessica Alba, Kim Basinger, Katie Holmes, Megan Fox, Meredith Vieira, Milla Jovovich, Nicole Kidman, Penelope Cruz, Salma Hayek, Sofia Vergara, Zooey Deschanel, and of course, that gal named Kate who’s now in England.

Rob: Oh, yes, Kate Middleton should get a Nobel Peace Prize for practically bringing pantyhose back from the grave. That’s very good. You really know your celebs.

Grizz: Rosario Dawson.

Rob: I’m sorry …

Grizz: Rosario Dawson.

Nickelodeon's 24th Annual Kids' Choice Awards - ArrivalsRob: Oh my goodness, you are soooooo right again. She is extremely classy all the time. I don’t think she ever bought in to that whole bear-legs deal. That lovely woman always wears the most sheer, sexy pantyhose and looks absolutely stunning in them.

Note: Well, that’s what I thought anyway. In doing a search on the Internet for a current picture to use here, I didn’t see one new picture of Rosario wearing pantyhose since the many I had filed away during the past few years.  That makes me wonder whether she ultimately gave in to the pressure from other bear-legged celebrities. That would be such a shame.

Grizz:  Now, listen: I’ve given up some good leads for those who deserve consideration for your Credit “wear” Credit is Due feature.   That, and because you stole my signature client away from me, it’s time for a little quid pro quo here. I want the name of the celebrity you feel is the most devoted bare-legger, the one you hate the most, to replace SJP as my signature client. C’mon, give it up. Who’s my next recipient of the prestigious Grizzly Awards?

Rob: OK, sure, that’s fair. Here’s a hint for you: Her first name is the same as the main character on that show that is generally credited with starting the bear-legs movement.

Grizz: OK, Carrie Bradshaw of Sex and the City. Carrie … Carrie … Ohhhhhhhh, Carrie Underwood. Yeah, good one. I’ll take her. That’s a great trade.

Rob: Yeah, I really hate that bimbo. How unprofessional of her to perform the Sunday Night Football theme song in bear legs and cowboy boots in back-to-back seasons. And, in every appearance she makes on other shows I’ve seen, she does the whole bear legs thing. That one has zero class. You can have her and keep her. And please eat her, too.  I don’t ever want to have to look at those pasty white bony legs of hers again.

b7Grizz: OK, done. By the way, I will say this: You’ve definitely nailed the one young celeb who really deserves all the praise you’ve heaped upon her and the huge amount of love for how devoted to pantyhose she is.

Rob: Oh, I know who you’re talking about — Ariana

Grizz:  Grande. Yes, l can foresee her causing me all kinds of trouble in my efforts to recruit future bare-leggers. She is a gem in your camp. How can a girl that young have so much professionalism, class, grace and femininity during a time when your young people prefer to dress like homeless people?  Does she have stock in your company? Be honest, you’ve bought her, right?

Rob: Haaaaa, I would have, but no, she’s done this completely on her own. I’m as amazed as you are. She certainly appears to be the real deal, and I hope she stays that way because right now, she’s one in a million. I know pantyhose lovers everywhere appreciate Ariana for her devotion to wearing sheer pantyhose, not only on stage, but at publicity functions, most often at awards shows, and even just out and about. She is setting such a good example for her young fans, and like Kate Middleton, Ariana, might some day be credited with helping pantyhose make a comeback. Yes, she is almost too good to be true.

Grizz: Exactly, too good to be true. So enjoy her while you can.

Rob: Wait. What do you mean by that?

Grizz: Oh you know as well as I do that good things like her don’t last forever. You’ll see. Whatever it is that causes her to dress so nicely and wear sheer pantyhose is likely to change some day, and then I will be there to scoop her up. She’ll be my new prized client.

Rob: Now that would be a real shame. I hope you’re wrong. OK, now here’s one more thing I’ve been dying to ask you about. Hope you’re ready because this one hits close to home.

Grizz: Fire away …

Rob: What’s with so many celebs, professional models and even everyday ladies from all over the world wearing pantyhose while hobnobbing with bears? I would have thought you’d forbid “beardom” (love that word) from partaking in such debauchery. Yet, it’s out there. Some very beautiful ladies wearing pantyhose while snuggling with bears.

Grizz: Oh, sure, throw that in my face.

Rob: Warned ya.

 Grizz: I’ll have to see it to believe it.

 Rob: You will when you see my finished piece. I think you’ll find it disturbing, this trend of beautiful models and other celebs getting all lovey dovey with bears.

Grizz: I’ll tell you right now, those must be rogue bears who are not part of the union.   I can’t be held accountable for their actions.

 Rob: Well, I like the pics because they bring closer those who should be enemies. Kind of like you and me, Grizz.

Grizz: Don’t push it, Rob. I haven’t eaten yet and I’m as hungry as a bear.

And with that, the interview ended and Grizz walked me out, stopping in the family room this time where he proudly showed off his family portrait.

Bear tour

And don’t think I didn’t notice all the other bear memorabilia in the room where Grizz’s cubs play, including the Goldilocks and the Three Bears dolls, the books, and all the Chicago Bears fan stuff.

In any case, what I had feared would be an uncomfortable meeting turned out to be anything but. The Grizzly was professional and classy. He was even cute and charming. I left feeling like I’d made a new friend. But I ain’t going out to eat with him. That’s for sure.

As I was getting in the limo to return to my office, I thought of my best question, so I blurted out:

“Hey, Grizz. If bears have had it so bad for so long, how are you able to live in a great house like this and have a limo driver at your disposal?”

Farewell Grizzly Candy“When it’s important to maintain a big image these days, one must diversify,” he said. “That’s why I invented these a long time ago.”

Gummy Bears!  Wouldn’t you just know it?  And I had been feeling sorry for Grizz. Looks like he’s in the game for the long haul, just like me. And that’s a good thing. We are good for one another.

 

My thanks to J. Aton of ATON DIGITAL STUDIOS for his original artwork for ActSensuous. Check out  J. Aton’s artist website and online portfolio at www.atondigitalstudios.com


 Pantyhose babes hobnobbing with bears

 

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The late Elizabeth Montgomery, perhaps best known for her portrayal of Samantha Stevens in the 1960s TV sitcom, “Bewitched,” was friendly with at least one bear.

 

 

Pantyhose a $1 million accessory? Could be …


Robin Maryland,  president, ActSensuous

Robin Maryland,
president, ActSensuous

Alright, alright, don’t get excited.  This isn’t about a contest where you can don a pair of pantyhose with the hope of winning a cool million dollars.

If it was that catchy headline that brought you here for the first time, only to find that this is a blog devoted to wearing pantyhose (and you had no idea that such a thing even existed), let me save you from reading further.  In fact, if you are one of those women who wouldn’t wear pantyhose (God forbid …) even if someone actually paid you $1 million to do so, you certainly aren’t going to like this blog.

On the other hand, if you a pantyhose lover, or are neutral about them, and just curious, well, welcome to The ActSensuous Blog.

Of course, longtime readers here know that this blog enthusiastically beats up on pantyhose haters and happily lavishes praise upon girls who love pantyhose, or at least have the good sense and class to wear them for all the right reasons.

Professional model/actress Christie Brinkley maintains an air of elegance in every outfit she wears, which almost always includes sheer pantyhose.

Professional model/actress Christie Brinkley maintains an air of elegance in every outfit she wears, which almost always includes sheer pantyhose.

You know, it wasn’t that long ago that pantyhose were practically run (pun intended) permanently out of town.  But thanks to some very professional and always-classy celebrities (Christie Brinkley, Kate Middleton, Milla Jovovich to name a few), and so many young stars (including Ariana Grande, Katy Perry, Miranda Cosgrove and Selena Gomez) pantyhose are beginning to look all mainstream again.

I don’t know how much of an effect those stars have had on everyday females, but a search of the Internet shows that there are millions of  “real girls in pantyhose” everywhere in the world.

Seeing the mind-boggling number of pictures of everyday girls wearing pantyhose in every imaginable venue makes me wonder whether there ever really was a threat that pantyhose could really be ripped out of lingerie drawers forever.

While not long ago, haters tried to convince the world that pantyhose are irrelevant and “not in fashion” in today’s society, now, I am wondering how much thought women give to that idea, if they ever really did?

One of the ways I gauge this is how often or not pantyhose show up in mainstream entertainment venues?  And I don’t mean just movies and television shows.  I’m seeing pantyhose more and more on TV commercials, in magazines, and even at fashion shows.

Thankfully, that’s not even a surprise anymore today, but how about those “real girls?”  I don’t have the time or patience to sit in front of the computer and search the Internet to see how prevalent pantyhose wearing is among normal people.  But how else can I see “real girls” in situations where they at least have the opportunity to wear pantyhose for the right reasons?

There’s one place, and I particularly like it.  It’s the variety show, America’s Got Talent.

A high-energy Colombian (I think) dance team auditions during Season 9 of America's Got Talent, wearing beautiful and exotic costumes, complete with sheer suntan pantyhose.

A high-energy Colombian (I think) dance team auditions during Season 9 of America’s Got Talent, wearing beautiful and exotic costumes, complete with sheer suntan pantyhose.

I have to confess that I’ve never watched a single episode of American Idol or The Voice, but from what I can tell from commercials, the competition is for singers only.  I really like AGT, now entering its ninth season, because you never know what you’re going to see — singers, dancers, magicians, escape artists, jugglers, sword swallowers, ventriloquists, you name it.  It’s the ultimate variety show.  The other thing I like about the show is the performers are from every age group and every background imaginable.  Some of the contestants have had their particular talent for most of their lives, but never had the opportunity to share it with a real audience, and so they hold regular jobs, and now, finally, have a chance to live their lifelong dreams thanks to AGT.

An aerialist performs during AGT Season 9.

An aerialist, wearing pantyhose, performs during AGT Season 9.

It’s also a competition where the ladies, at least, have the opportunity to grace their legs with sheer pantyhose.  Many do, but too many don’t.

So here’s the reason for that headline: The contestants are competing against a massive number of other hopefuls, performing acts of every talent imaginable for a prize that includes $1 million and his or her own headline act in Las Vegas.  They’re doing it on the biggest stage they’ve ever seen in their lives.  And on the ladies, some of those costumes are pretty skimpy.

So I find it intriguing to see which of the girls wear pantyhose.  To my delight, it appears that the majority of the performers do wear.  And even though I know it’s going to happen, I’m sometimes a bit surprised and always disappointed when someone doesn’t choose to wear pantyhose, but really should.

Good thing I’m not a judge

It’s the biggest stage these performers ever have, and likely ever will, perform on in fulfilling their dreams to share their talents with a national audience.

Here’s the thing.  It’s a million dollar prize, people!  And you’re in Radio City Music Hall (among other venues).  You’re performing for the first time in front of thousands of people, and millions more watching from home around the country.

So, what if wearing pantyhose helped the performer win $1 million?   The point is, why risk it by not wearing them?

What I wonder is why there is any question?  The contestants’ legs look so much better under the lights in pantyhose, and that will give them more confidence.

An acrobatic act performs during Season 9 auditions of AGT.

An acrobatic act performs during Season 9 auditions of AGT.

It’s a good thing I’m not a judge on this show because if I were, I’d say something to those who didn’t wear pantyhose during my comment/vote session.   Probably, I’d say something like:  “That was a great performance.  You certainly have talent.  I love the costume, but listen, you’re competing for a million dollar prize here.  Get yourself a pair of pantyhose (bimbo).”

Admittedly, in the act at left, it would have been difficult and more dangerous if the female had been wearing pantyhose since she obviously needs to be able to feel with her feet the grip on her partner’s head.  This might be the only justification for footless pantyhose to exist, and many girls wear them for performances like this one.

Then again, the sad truth is even the two female judges, Heidi Klum and Mel B, don’t wear pantyhose, and they’re the judges.

Mel B wears some interesting dresses as a judge on AGT, but never with sheer pantyhose.

Mel B wears some interesting dresses as a judge on AGT, but never with sheer pantyhose.

OK, well, I should say the two female judges never wore pantyhose until this season when Heidi has been wearing a few times already.

I used to really not like Heidi very much, but now, I’m beginning to like her a lot.

For this post, I found a few pictures of her in her fishnet pantyhose, but there have been a few cases in which she was actually wearing sheer nude pantyhose (not fishnets), and looking absolutely fabulous. Wish I could have found one those pictures to show you.

Sadly, it appears as if Mel B can’t be bothered to wear pantyhose.  I’ve never seen her wear pantyhose once.  And she really should.  And I don’t mean just because she’s a judge on AGT.  She really should wear.  Her legs could benefit greatly from pantyhose.

Judges Heidi Klum, left, and Mel B share a laugh with Howie Mandel backstage during Season 9 of America's Got Talent.  Look at Heidi smoldering in those hot pantyhose.

Judges Heidi Klum, left, and Mel B share a laugh with Howie Mandel backstage during Season 9 of America’s Got Talent. Look at Heidi smoldering in those hot pantyhose.

Mel B poses during a publicity campaign for AGT Season 9.

Mel B poses during a publicity campaign for AGT Season 9.

In all fairness, I have to say it’s at least possible that Mel B actually is wearing sheer pantyhose in the photo above. It’s not easy to tell (for my eyes anyway), but I have to acknowledge that it’s possible.

Oddly enough, I found one pic of her in pantyhose (left) I think.  It was for an AGT publicity shoot, but as far as I can tell, she never has worn during any real episode.

In this picture of Mel B in the red dress, it looks to me as if she is wearing sheer nude pantyhose, which would be amazing. I really can’t understand why she wouldn’t want to look more professional and feminine, as she is a high-profile celebrity serving as a judge over acts in which many of the female contestants do wear pantyhose.  That, and the fact that her fellow judge, Heidi, looks so much more attractive and glamorous than her, and often wears sheer pantyhose.

During each episode, there are a few behind-the-scenes bits that are shown following commercial breaks before getting back to the competition.  This is where I’ve seen Heidi wearing some gorgeous sheer nude pantyhose backstage.

A sheer stunner

Mel B compliments fellow judge Heidi Klum's pantyhose during a ride in their limousine on the way to the AGT set.

Mel B compliments fellow judge Heidi Klum’s pantyhose during a ride in their limousine on the way to the AGT set.

In one behind-the-scenes segment of the second episode this season, Heidi was riding in a limousine to the AGT studio.  The limo stopped to pick up Mel B, and when she got in, she immediately noticed Heidi’s outfit, a short dress, and to my delight, she said to Heidi:

“I like this,” referring to Heidi’s pantyhose.  Then, to my surprise, Mel B caressed Heidi’s leg.  It was amazing.  Mel B ran her hand from just above Heidi’s knee all the way down her leg and back up again, feeling her pantyhose.

And Heidi responded: “I like fishnet stockings.”  Trust me, they were pantyhose, but I don’t care if Heidi wants to say stockings instead.  I just like that she wears them, and I love that Mel B felt her leg up.

Mel B caresses Heidi Klum's pantyhose-adorned leg.

Mel B caresses Heidi Klum’s pantyhose-adorned leg.

It was intriguing since Mel B never wears pantyhose herself, so the fact that she likes them on Heidi and actually felt her leg up seems somehow vindicating to me.  Or maybe it should make me even more disappointed in Mel B.  She likes pantyhose on Heidi, yet, still won’t wear them herself.

Oh well.  I guess you can’t have everything.  I take my wins however they come, and this incident seemed like a win to me.

One of DirecTV’s ad campaign slogans is “If you call yourself a sports fan, you have to get DirecTV.”

If you like the variety show entertainment genre’, and you are a lover of pantyhose, you really should be watching AGT.

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You just never know what you’re going to see, such as this bow and arrow marksman shooting balloons held by his lovely assistant, wearing pantyhose, of course.

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Yes, there will be times when contestants dazzle with fantastic performances, but unfortunately, miss opportunities to accentuate their beauty by going bare-legged.  Do they look good?  Yes.  But they could have done the right thing and looked even better.

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But then the next act you see might feature another great performance, only this time with the female artists classing up the joint in pantyhose.

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Here’s a husband and wife team who performed an exciting strength and acrobatic routine.  How about that outfit on the wife?

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I didn’t see this act, but unfortunately, the female performer didn’t feel the need to wear sheer pantyhose with her hot little number.  That’s OK, you say, because she’s doing an acrobatic floor routine and needed to be barefoot.  Understandable, but …

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It just doesn’t look very attractive.  And she could have looked much more feminine by at least wearing footless pantyhose, like the ladies in this act.  They need to feel with their feet, too, but they still went the extra mile to make their legs look so much prettier by wearing footless pantyhose.

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Don’t even get me started.

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Please …  Million dollar prize you’re competing for, people.

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Niiiiice!  Good job with that outfit.  That’ll get you in the running for $1 million.

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Much better.  Not a great outfit, but at least this performer had the good sense and class to wear sheer pantyhose.

AGT-9-18

Once again, this entertaining act features a female assistant who, sadly, doesn’t see the need for pantyhose.  Instead, she looks … boring.

AGT-9-19

Now, here’s a magic act.   These kind of acts are usually pretty cool, and more often than not, the lovely female assistants really do look lovely wearing sheer pantyhose.

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It just looks so much more appealing when the girls wear sheer pantyhose, and it shows they take the competition seriously.

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Even the funny acts often feature a lovely assistant in pretty pantyhose.  Here, this kung fu master attempts to stop time with his superior qi energy.  Hey, at least, his lovely assistant knows the time of day.

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Again, more often than not, dance and acrobatic performers show their professionalism and class by wearing sheer pantyhose with their outfits.

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C’mon, what’s really the big deal whether the female contestants wear pantyhose with their costumes, some of you ask?  Listen, it’s about doing the right thing.  Not only are these performers competing for a prize of $1 million, they’re also vying for a chance to headline a show in Las Vegas.

Think anyone’s going to give these budding stars a shot at performing in Vegas when, no matter how great their acts are, they dress like they’re on stage at their high school auditoriums?

And if you still think it’s much ado about nothing, consider this:  For all but one of them, this is their 15 minutes of fame.  Likely, it’s the greatest show they’ll ever perform.  Why wouldn’t they want to look their absolute best? Why would they risk not being taken seriously enough, when it is so easy (and the right thing to do) to wear pantyhose, especially, when they see that the majority of their competitors are wearing pantyhose?

Maybe it’s like everything else in life.  Some ladies get it.  Others just don’t.

What would you do if you had an opportunity to perform your talent on the biggest stage in the country, be all casual about it?  Or, take it seriously?  In case it hasn’t sunk in still, I’ll say it one more time — the judges are looking for a million dollar act, people!

I don’t care whether some of these girls have never worn pantyhose a day in their lives, and won’t ever do so again as long as they live.  On the biggest performance night in their lives, they should step up.  Most of them put so much money and effort into the equipment, the props, getting their costumes just right.  But if they forego pantyhose either because they think it’s not important, don’t care, or worse, don’t even give it a thought, they are only hurting themselves.

What do you think, readers?

In any event, I’m telling you, for a wide variety of entertainment and lot’s of pretty girls wearing sheer pantyhose, you can’t beat America’s Got Talent .

America’s Got Talent is on from 8 p.m. to 10 p.m. EST Tuesdays on NBC.

Loving even the little condition ‘mistreats’ in pantyhose-wearing


Robin Maryland, president, ActSensuous

Robin Maryland,
president, ActSensuous

Earlier this week, one of our readers, Jan, wrote a comment expressing his (yes, his) dismay about a lack of attention many women give to the condition of their pantyhose while they’re wearing them.

Here’s Jan’s comment (and by the way, I don’t edit readers’ comments):

Dear Robin!
I have often wondered, why some pantyhosed women never pay any attention on how the pantyhose is doing during the day or what’s happening to the pantyhose on duty?
My well trained pantyhose eye will spot all kinds of pantyhose miss treats on any given day.
You can find toe caps not in line or vertical toe caps, sole reinforcements almost upp side on the wrist, heel caps twisted up sideways and damaged.
Also, there’s long runs from heel upp to waist and heavy tear and damaged pantyhose legs.
I wish some women could take more care of their pantyhose and put some thought into what’s going on pantyhosewise. Maybe take a pantyhose moment and adjust reinforcements and check seams etc.
This is probably even more important when using the classic 100% polymide pantyhose.
I personally approve of all kinds of pantyhose use, but I also think that a the pantyhose is a delicate and beautiful thing that need a bit of handling and care.
Mature women knows this, they know how to handle a pantyhose. But the “next gen” pantyhose users….
Sometimes I wish I could just start a pantyhose handling centre.
Brgds.
Jan

Often, I have an idea for a new post, but after doing the research, looking for the right art to go with the writing, or even just over-thinking, I’ll talk myself out of writing it.  In case you’re keeping score at home, that’s why you don’t get a post from me every day, every week, or even every month.  I prefer to deliver quality, rather than quantity, and I’m a harsh judge of what that means.

I don't know about anyone else, but I think a little run or snag in an otherwise beautiful pair of pantyhose can be kinda sexy.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I think a little run or snag in an otherwise beautiful pair of pantyhose can be kinda sexy.

I had long been thinking of writing a post about a topic similar to Jan’s, and, as is often the case with me, it took his comment to tip the scales in favor of my writing it.   So, first, let me encourage every one of you to please continue to write comments that reflect the pantyhose topics on your mind, and/or feel free to suggest subjects about which you’d like for me to write.

In my reply to Jan’s comment, I wrote (in part) “… I’m just so happy whenever I see a woman wearing pantyhose today, I don’t care what condition they appear to be in.”

Would anyone find fault with the way the nylon bunches a bit where the toes meets the shoe on actress Blake Lively's lovely legs here?

Would anyone find fault in the way the nylon bunches a bit where the toes meets the shoe on actress Blake Lively’s lovely legs here?

I didn’t go into more detail because I had decided at that point to write this post.  So here it is.

While I created ActSensuous to make the style of pantyhose I loved but could no longer find, I have always realized and appreciated that people all over the world love a great variety of styles.  These include the thickest and shiniest kinds to the most delicate and sheer types that challenge one to discern whether a woman is actually wearing or not.

My feeling is any pantyhose is better than no pantyhose. Similarly, I find beauty and extreme femininity in the very concept of pantyhose.

So, I truly meant what I wrote about not caring what condition pantyhose are in, as long as they’re on.   In fact, since I love and appreciate most the kind of pantyhose that are practically invisible on the wearer, more so than patterned or thick and shiny kinds, I love subtle little indicators that make it obvious that pantyhose are being worn.

Little wrinkles in the nylon fabric on the ankles or where the toe cleavage meets the shoe is sexy to me.

Little wrinkles in the nylon fabric behind the knee, on the ankles, or where toe cleavage meets the shoe is sexy to me.

Often, that means seeing some of the condition “mistreats” about which Jan wrote.

In fact, I think it’s kind of sexy when the seam at the toe ends up a bit vertical, or when there is a run up the leg, or those little fabric wrinkles over toe cleavage or at the ankles.

Often, I’ve wondered if anyone out there is as sick as me.   Do you hate it when you see these little pantyhose condition mistreats, or do you love it?   Are those things awful, or are they kind of sexy?  Do you love it when you see a girl adjusting the nylon fabric up her leg, or smoothing it with her hands over her legs?

A beautiful scene when Christie Brinkley pulls the fabric of her sheer nude pantyhose up her leg in Billy Joel's "Uptown Girl" music video in 1983.

A beautiful scene when Christie Brinkley pulls the fabric of her sheer nude pantyhose up her leg in Billy Joel’s “Uptown Girl” music video in 1983.

Long before I ever dreamed of creating my own company, I was profoundly influenced by the image of Christie Brinkley pulling the fabric of her sheer nude pantyhose up her leg during a scene in the “Uptown Girl” music video from Billy Joel’s hit single in 1983.

It is a beautiful scene that was not uncommon to see in real life during the great pantyhose decade of the 1980s (all of the 1970s and the late 1960s I’m told, but was too young to have experienced it, ha ha), but just the fact that someone was wise and creative enough to include it in this music video (2:14/3:23) is awesome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCuMWrfXG4E

Ever professional and classy, Christie Brinkley almost always wears sheer pantyhose during public appearances.

Ever professional and classy, Christie Brinkley almost always wears sheer pantyhose during public appearances.

I would love to meet the person who was responsible for that scene because he or she (probably he) obviously understood the beauty, femininity and extreme sensual qualities of pantyhose back then, and probably suffered like all of us during the height of the “bear” legs movement in the late 1990s to 2000s.

Would love to hear what that person has to say today.

Further, to her credit, Christie Brinkley is still a beautiful and classy woman who never bought in to bear legs culture.    Maybe she, too, was influenced in the virtues of pantyhose-wearing from the making of that music video, as she still wears sheer pantyhose (quite beautifully) today.

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When I see images of girls running their hands over their pantyhose legs, sometimes subconsciously it seems, they’re not only smoothing the fabric, but also feeling it themselves.

That has to be exciting to the guys who love pantyhose.

So what do you think?   Do you hate the little condition mistreats inevitable in pantyhose-wearing, or do you love them?   Are they ugly, or beautiful and kind of sexy?

Again, my thanks to Jan for his comment, which motivated me to write this post.

Who should be the next SNF intro performer?


Katy Perry would be a great choice to perform NBC's Sunday Night Football intro number.  She is a talented and professional star, and she always wears pantyhose onstage.

Katy Perry would be a great choice to perform NBC’s Sunday Night Football intro number. She is a talented and professional star, and she always wears pantyhose onstage.

2011 a Great Year for Pantyhose


Robin Maryland, president, ActSensuous

If the “bear” legs movement won the decade of the new millennium, pantyhose certainly got their legs back in 2011.

(NOTE: I’m putting quotes around “bear” just once and then running with it as-is. Seasoned readers get my play on words, which have their origin in one of my earlier posts: “Why Bears Don’t Wear Pantyhose.”)

No, I’m not proclaiming that everything’s back to normal; far from it. But I think greater strides were made in 2011 than at any time from 2000 on.

I do think 2011 gave us much for which to be thankful, and optimism for years to come. While things looked pretty bleak from 2000 through 2010, I am thrilled by the number of new and seasoned celebrities we saw wearing pantyhose in 2011.

In movies, on TV shows, in TV commercials, on singers/performers taking the stage, on game shows, across fashion runways, in magazines, and practically everywhere we looked in the community, we saw more pantyhose in 2011 than I think we saw in the previous 10 years. And if you want to see beautiful women in pantyhose, just do a google search, and you’ll find that pantyhose are indeed alive and well.

Pantyhose took us by storm in the late-1960s, absolutely ruled in the ‘70s and ‘80s, and enjoyed a good run through most of the ‘90s before “Sex and the City” reared its ugly head in 1998.

In the role that made her famous, actress Catherine Bach as Daisy Duke on the TV show, “The Dukes of Hazzard,” made sheer pantyhose famous.

And, in the ’70s, no one did more for pantyhose than actress Catherine Bach in her role as Daisy Duke on the TV show, “The Dukes of Hazzard.”  Bach took sheer pantyhose to icon status, wearing them with her signature short-shorts and heels on the show.

It’s difficult to imagine how and why so many women in the world would try so hard to distance themselves from the look made famous by Bach.

Looking at this picture of Catherine Bach, I can’t see how anyone could believe that pantyhose are old-fashioned and irrelevant in society today.  A look of sheer beauty and the truest sense of femininity is never irrelevant, and it never goes out of style.

I honestly didn’t believe the bear legs culture would catch on, and I never dreamed it would flourish, almost to the demise of pantyhose.

It has taken a great deal longer than I imagined, but women have begun coming to their senses again. That was clear in 2010, and never more evident than during 2011.

Still, through the darkest times of the 2000 decade, I was so pleased and encouraged by the vast number of men throughout the world voicing their displeasure over the bear legs movement. There are thousands of pantyhose forums, websites and blogs about the love and devotion that (at least) men feel for pantyhose.

I still can’t believe that so many women don’t seem to care that seemingly 99 percent of the male population loves them in pantyhose. The fact that women almost universally reject the beauty, femininity, class, elegance, and sensual characteristics inherent in pantyhose remains a complete mystery to me.

I should acknowledge that, along the way, there have been many women who never bought into the bear legs culture.  Occasionally, I read on an online forum about a woman or two who, like me, just don’t get the hostility other women have toward pantyhose.  It is so heartwarming and encouraging to read the words of some women who say they love pantyhose, and the attention and appreciation they get from wearing pantyhose for men who love it so much.  We can’t know about these everyday women on a large scale, so unfortunately, I cannot give them the praise they deserve. Still, we know they’re out there, so if you’re reading, thank you for remaining professional at the office, classy about town and always feminine in all situations.

Similarly, I’ve been delighted and encouraged by all the support from readers of The ActSensuous Blog this year. I greatly appreciate all your comments, compliments and well wishes.  So, in addition to my usual ranting and raving about celebs and the state of the pantyhose industry, in this year-in-review post, I want to share with you some things you might find interesting – the stuff you guys contribute.

Your comments

You guys write some well-conceived and thought-provoking comments.  You have a real understanding of what’s going on in the world of pantyhose.  You know the celebs who are devoted wearers, and you know the ones who aren’t.   In many of your comments, you attach links to pictures, videos and online articles about pantyhose.

I love it when you write about a colleague at work who routinely wears, or doesn’t.  I love when you write about your most memorable pantyhose experiences and the affects they had on you.

And, of course, I appreciate all the nice things you write about my different posts.  I couldn’t do this if I didn’t think you cared and appreciated it.  So thank you for all your support.

In case you ever wondered, most of those who comment on my blog are not ActSensuous customers.   Sometimes, it’s a bit embarrassing when a customer writes a comment and closes with how much he loves our products and our customer service.  I’m not asking for that, but it’s always nice to read the positive feedback, and I am sure it’s good for business.  So, to those customers/readers, I’ll say this:  That’s not what the blog is about, you don’t have to endorse us in your comments, but I know it comes from the heart, and I do appreciate very much your good intentions.

One reader complimented me a long time ago for keeping the blog separate from the business.  I never expected anyone to notice or care about that, but I always appreciated that this guy got it and pointed it out.  In fact, of the 48 (before this one) posts I’ve written since May 2009, only one was blatantly about ActSensuous – the one on April 25, 2011, called “Return of Pantyhose TV ads a Good Sign.”  In it, I shared my vision (OK, fantasy) of having a celebrity become the official spokesmodel for ActSensuous.  I wrote about the celebs I’d choose if I could.  That post was pretty popular and got some good comments, but I really thought it would get more response from you, telling me which celeb you thought would be perfect to represent ActSensuous.

And that leads me to this:

The polls

I thought polls would be a good way to be heard for those who don’t feel comfortable leaving a comment on a blog post.  What could be more anonymous than that?  Even I don’t know who clicks an answer on a poll on my blog. Yet, the response numbers seem low to me.

To those who have voted on my various polls, I thank you.  Your answers to the poll questions – your voice – give me an insight as to what you think about the state of pantyhose in society today.  To demonstrate that point, I’ll share with you the results of some of those polls, starting with:

  • “Which celebrity would be perfect to represent ActSensuous?”
Following her breakout role in the movie, “The Devil Wears Prada,” Anne Hathaway has maintained a classy and feminine look, including wearing pantyhose for all the right occasions and venues.

Of the 50 votes this poll generated, Anne Hathaway garnered 14 (30%).  To put that in perspective, the next highest vote-getter was Milla Jovovich with 9 (20%).

They beat out the likes of Sandra Bullock, Bai Ling, Nicole Kidman, and four write-in names: Zhang Ziyi, Gong Li, Christie Brinkley and Morena Baccarin.

I was not surprised you chose Anne Hathaway.  I love that, even though she is so young, she gets it. While probably every celeb has her days when she just isn’t going to wear for any occasion, Anne is pretty consistent.  She has the maturity, the class and sense of femininity to wear for all the right reasons and at the right venues.  I believe Anne has a bright future as a Hollywood star, and I’d be proud to have her represent ActSensuous.

Of course I love Milla Jovovich.  She is beautiful, extremely professional, ultra classy and just plain cool.  She is a great actress, and if the truth were known, I’d choose her if I could.

Of the others, I love Bai Ling, Nicole Kidman, Zhang Ziyi and Gong Li, and I would be thrilled if any of them would even consider being the face (legs) of a pantyhose campaign, but that seems rather remote to me.

Christie Brinkley

Now, Christie Brinkley as the official spokesmodel for ActSensuous ….. that seems pretty realistic and very appealing to me.  I’ve always liked Christie.  She’s always been extremely professional, very classy and ultra feminine.

Those are some incredible legs, and she certainly understands the appeal of sheer pantyhose.

I would have thought the same thing about Morena Baccarin, but even though she can always be counted on to wear sheer pantyhose with her outfits in TV series (“The Visitors” and “Homeland”), I’ve never seen her wear during visits on late night talk shows.  I find that so frustrating because it kills my image of her.  I want to believe she is what I see in her TV roles, but have to face the reality that when she’s on her own time, she chooses not to wear.   That amazes me because she looks 100 times better in pantyhose.  Then again, isn’t that true of all of them?

  • Which Celebrity do you most want to see in pantyhose?”
Sandra Bullock performs a scene in her new movie, “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close,” in Brooklyn.

This poll generated 91 votes, of which Sandra Bullock took 34 (37%).

She overwhelmed the likes of Jessica Alba with 22 votes (24%), Kate Beckinsale, Nicole Kidman, Bai Ling, and seven write-in answers, including Fran Drescher, Michelle Yeoh, Lucy Liu, Bette Middler, and Jenna Fisher.

Good for Sandra Bullock to win that poll.

It goes to show the popularity of the veteran action, dramatic and comedic actress among the ranks of pantyhose lovers.

Why not?  Sandra always has had the professionalism and class to wear pantyhose for the right occasions.

I would have liked to see Michelle Yeoh, Bai Ling and Lucy Liu score higher, but they do in the next poll.

  • Which Asian actress do you most want to see wearing pantyhose?”
The lovely and multi-talented Asian-American actress Lucy Liu sometimes wears pantyhose during public appearances, and when she does, she looks fabulous.

Out of 34 total votes (only 34 – what’s wrong with you people?), Lucy Liu won with 13 votes (38%).

Very impressive, as she beat out whom I think is the world’s most gorgeous woman, Zhang Ziyi, who came in second with 8 votes (24%).

This poll was won because of the popularity/familiarity of Lucy Liu.  I mean who doesn’t love her?

Ironically, from what I’ve observed, Ziyi is a much more prolific wearer of pantyhose than Lucy will ever be.

In fact, as much as I adore Lucy Liu, she breaks my heart by doing the bear legs thing much more often than wearing pantyhose.

Further, it seems the rare occasion on which we see Lucy Liu in pantyhose, she’s wearing the thick, black ones.  Yet, to behold her in sheer nude pantyhose is a breathtakingly beautiful sight. At least the black pantyhose she’s wearing in this photo are fairly sheer.

Zhang Ziyi (“Memoirs of a Geisha,” “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon,” Rush Hour 2”) is only just becoming known to Western audiences, and since she lives in China, she’s not quite the household name Lucy Liu is.

Classy Chinese movie star Zhang Ziyi almost always wears pantyhose during public appearances.

But Ziyi is the Asian actress I most want to see in pantyhose.  To me, she is total perfection.

Other vote-getters in this poll were Tia Carrere, Michelle Yeoh, Devon Aoki, Bai Ling, Gong Li, Maggie Q, Karen Mok and Brenda Song.

Besides Zhang Ziyi, I next most want to see Michelle Yeoh in pantyhose.  I still love her more than any other Asian actress, and she is simply awesome in pantyhose, although, sadly, that’s a rare sight these days.

It’s so frustrating that Maggie Q doesn’t wear pantyhose on her hit show, “Nikita,” (or any other thing I’ve ever seen her in.)  There was a time (early 1990s) when Tia Carrere (“Wayne’s World,” “High School High,” “True Lies”) was the most beautiful thing that pantyhose ever happened to, but those days appear to be long gone.  I would guess most of you have no clue as to who Karen Mok is (“Black Mask” and “So Close”), but someday I’ll do a whole post about her.

Young model/actress Devon Aoki (“Debs” is my favorite movie of hers) is a frequent pantyhose wearer and looks amazing in them.   I haven’t seen enough of Brenda Song, but it’s neat that someone voted for her.

I love Gong Li, Maggie Cheung and Karen Mok, and they all look fabulous in pantyhose, but to me, there is just something truly remarkable about seeing Bai Ling in pantyhose. Maybe that’s because it’s so unexpected.

Bai Ling dressed beautifully, complete with brown pantyhose, during an appearance at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre on Nov. 4, 2011, in Hollywood, Calif.

Bai Ling is an enigma.

She is extremely intelligent and has great talent.  She is incredibly beautiful.  But she fits in perfectly within the Hollyweird culture. I don’t really get her, but I can’t help but love her.

She is known for wearing the skimpiest and strangest outfits, and looking awesome in them.

But when she wears pantyhose, it is so heartwarming to me.  She kills me in a good way.

  • Pantyhose – To Wear or Not to Wear (ladies only please)

This was not the poll that saw the widest margin of victory, but the winning answer got 19 of the 24 votes (79%). The winner, I’m happy to say, is this answer:

“I choose to because I believe in and wholeheartedly support the concepts of beauty, glamour, class and sexiness inherent in pantyhose.” Coming in second was the answer:  “I am not on one side or the other and would wear or not wear pantyhose based on the appropriateness of the situation/environment.” That answer got 3 votes (13%).

I wrote (ladies only please) at the end of the poll question because I knew what answer men would give, and I really wanted to see what women would say. I always wondered if the votes were indeed by women only. I don’t know, but there were 2 votes (8%) for the answer: “I choose not to on my own personal volition because I think pantyhose are uncomfortable, impractical and/or unnecessary.”  We know women cast that vote.

But here’s the real news: Not a single vote came in for the answers: “I choose not to because I believe in and completely support the cause for the bare legs movement … period;” or for: “I choose not to because the excuse now exists thanks to the bare legs movement.”

Hey, I’ll take our minor victories anywhere I can get them.

  • Today’s “Bear Legs culture:

This is the poll, attached to the post “Why Bears don’t wear Pantyhose,” that launched my whole “bear” legs terminology.  The answer that won this poll was: “Can’t die a horrible death soon enough.”  Still, it got only 60 votes out of 110 (55%).  Taking second place with 26 votes (24%) was the answer:  “Is to punish men (for being men).”  Sorry about that, guys.

OK, are you wondering what poll got the most activity and won by the very widest margin?  This won’t come as a surprise to most of you. It was attached to my first (and arguably best) post of 2011 (Jan. 9), titled “Why Not Pantyhose and Open-Toe High Heels?”  This post still gets comments and generates discussions, remaining one of the most popular on this blog.

  • Pantyhose with open-toe high heels?

This poll generated 160 votes – by far, the most activity of all the other polls.  The winner was the answer: “Absolutely! Yes, please!”  You gave that answer 151 votes (94%).  I’m so proud.  Getting only 7 votes (4%) was the answer: “No way! No How! Never!”  And just 2 voters (1%) selected the answer: “Who cares?”

Professional singer/dancer and TV personality Paula Abdul always wears sheer pantyhose during public events, and looks perfect in open-toe heels.

More than any of my other posts, “Why Not Pantyhose with Open-Toe High Heels?” struck a huge chord with you.  This was the post in which I first bashed all the so-called “fashion experts” for making up hard and fast rules that dictate what they say is acceptable or not for you to wear.  That anyone listens to these people is unfathomable to me.

I had no idea when I wrote it that this post would generate so many comments and poll votes.  I am so glad you overwhelmingly support the wearing of pantyhose with dress sandals.

Even more, I love it when celebs (by far the greatest influencers of fashion) completely disregard the advice of the “experts” and always wear pantyhose with open-toe heels.

Looking at the picture of Paula Abdul, I can’t imagine how there could be even a few people out there who still think this look is wrong.

 

Wrap-up

As much as I love my self-appointed mission of being the voice of hope and reason for the return of pantyhose to favor in all aspects of society, I couldn’t write this blog without your participation.  I try to make my posts compelling and entertaining, hoping to generate comments and discussion among you.  And I throw in polls to give you another avenue to express your views about pantyhose.

Sometimes, when more time than usual goes by between posts, I’m struggling to stay motivated or to come up with something I think you’ll care about.  The point is I do this for you.  I hope you will continue to contribute, and I hope more of you will get involved.

Finally, I could say this (and probably will) until I turn blue, but we owe our thanks to so many wonderful celebrities all over the world who turned out in droves wearing pantyhose this year. There’s not enough space to acknowledge all of them, but let me recognize a few we couldn’t have done without this year.

Ann Curry: She is beautiful, classy and professional. We owe her so much gratitude for keeping the bar high in TV journalism.

Carly Foulkes, the beloved T-Mobile Girl:  Now we know it wasn’t a fluke. I don’t know how many commercials she’s made now, but she’s always in one of those famous pink dresses, with awesome pumps and sheer nude pantyhose.  She’s a young hottie who potentially can influence an entire generation to dress more femininely.

Julianna Margulies is one the most professional Hollywood actress, always dressing professionally, especially wearing elegant outfits with sheer pantyhose everywhere she goes.

Julianna Margulies:  She has always been professional and classy, and now, as the star of “The Good Wife,” she can do no wrong.

She’s a great actor on arguably the best show on TV, and so, in her we have a highly visible celeb who wouldn’t be caught dead not wearing pantyhose.

Hopefully, Julianna will influence those career women who don’t think there’s anything wrong with showing up for work with bear legs.

What I like most about Julianna is that not only does she always wear pantyhose on the job, but also out in public and on late night talk shows.  She’s truly a devoted wearer.

Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Rihanna, Selena Gomez and other young professional entertainers are doing the right thing.

Perry and Gaga, and Paula Abdul are practically pantyhose ambassadors because they wear not only on stage, but also out in the public eye.

These women are priceless contributors to our cause.

Kate Middleton: Obviously, much has been made of her commitment to wearing pantyhose, and rightfully so.  She clearly is all about class and elegance and doing the right thing.  In all fairness, she may be the one woman who singlehandedly changes the course of pantyhose’s fate in global fashion circles.

Yes, 2011 was a great year for pantyhose. We’ve made up so much ground, and I am looking forward to more of the same in 2012 and beyond.

Wishing you and yours a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year!

Pantyhose happenings on my mind


Robin Maryland, president, ActSensuous

  It seems that the current-but-maybe-not-for-much-longer “bear” legs movement came upon us all of a sudden.   One day things were normal and good, and then suddenly pantyhose were public enemy No. 1 (among women that is).  

  It’s been a long decade-plus of the awful bear legs look, but gradually, in ever-increasing numbers, pantyhose are gaining their legs again.  Have you noticed? 

  They’re in movies and TV shows more and more.  They’re in TV commercials all the time.  They’re even on fashion runways, and that’s a real good thing.  They’re in magazines, too.   And now, they’re also the subject on more and more women’s minds as one can see on Internet discussion boards, where there’s always that question: “Are pantyhose back?”  To which some answer: “I never realized pantyhose were out.”  Love that.

  Yes, it’s looking more and more like pantyhose are starting to cling to more willing wearers each day.  With that in mind, here are some recent pantyhose happenings that are getting my attention:

Celebs deserve our thanks

   Probably the biggest reason that pantyhose are once again in mainstream consciousness is the vast and ever-growing number of Hollywood actresses, entertainers and pop stars wearing during their performances.  

As fabulous as she looks like this, it's surprising Cameron Diaz doesn't wear pantyhose more often.

  In only my second ever blog post (June 2009) titled “Calling out Professional Entertainers,” I blasted celebrities for instigating and perpetuating the bare legs movement (back then, I hadn’t come up with the idea of referring to it as “bear” legs.)   My, how far we’ve come.  I am so proud of the many veteran celebs who never left, or have now come back to pantyhose.  And that includes Cameron Diaz, who until recently, I thought would be the next recipient of my new column, “The Grizzly Awards.” 

  But I’m even prouder of the young, up-and-coming celebs who are outright pantyhose goddesses.  Yes, we’ve still got a long way to go, but I think it would be difficult to name more than a few young celebs today who are just complete bear leggers — ones you’ll NEVER see wearing pantyhose.  

A young, rising star, Selena Gomez has the class and professionalism to wear pantyhose on stage.

  I think we have to recognize and thank the likes of Jessica Alba, Sandra Bullock, Anne Hathaway, Juliana Margulies, Milla Jovovich, Nicole Kidman, Kate Middleton, Sofia Vergara, Paris Hilton, Zooey Deschanel, and of course, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Rihanna, Beyonce’ and Selena Gomez. 

  There are hundreds of others who deserve credit, but this is a good start. 

  Since nothing influences fashion in everyday life like what we see our favorite celebs wearing, I think we’re in a very good time and place right now with all the professional performers out there donning pantyhose. 

 

Waitin’ all day for Sunday night

  Hey, Jack, it’s a fact … the outfits Faith Hill is wearing this year during the intro theme to  Sunday Night Football are soooooooo much better.   

While this photo appears "doctored up" a bit, Faith Hill's bare legs during last year's SNF theme were an eyesore.

  Last year, she wore that way-too-short black dress with some funky, chunky (OK, ugly) shoes, and Casper-white bear legs  that (I have to say it) looked awful.  Sorry, Faith. 

This year, she wears mid-calf length pants, but with pumps and pantyhose.   

While a leather skirt would have been better, Faith Hill looks so much better in pantyhose during the SNF intro theme.

As I’ve written before, doesn’t she (whomever I’m dissing at the time) see herself on TV later and say “What was I thinking?” or “Why didn’t someone tell me ?”

  Well, one of those things must have happened in Faith’s case.   Thank you.

  Another win for pantyhose.   

More football 

  One of the hosts on NFL Network on DirecTV, Kara Henderson, was doing the bear legs thing during interviews with fellow analysts and guest coaches and players.  Uh, Kara,  “Come on, man!”  (Yeah, I know — that’s a bit featured on ESPN prior to Monday Night Football — but I couldn’t resist.)

  Again, she must have seen herself on TV or someone told her how awful her legs looked.  Now, she wears pantyhose and looks sooooo much better.  Good call.  

  Remember, I am writing just random thoughts here.  Suzy Kolber is one NFL analyst, host, sideline reporter I always liked.  She is very professional.   She used to wear pantyhose with nice suits and heels all the time.  Lately, I’ve seen her wearing pants more than anything.  I hope she doesn’t allow herself to be influenced by the vast majority of other female NFL types and stop wearing skirts and pantyhose and heels.  

Why always black pantyhose? 

  Seems when we see a celeb wearing, especially one who typically doesn’t, it’s always black pantyhose.  I mean sheer black pantyhose are nice, and certainly better than bear legs, but somtimes, I think women think it’s all they can wear.

Popular movie star Jessica Alba looks awesome in a black dress, black heels and sheer nude pantyhose.

  There used to be a line of thinking that was one should always match one’s pantyhose to the color of one’s dress. 

  And we all know how popular the LBD (little black dress) is.  I always thought that thinking was lame. 

  OK, you’re wearing a black dress, but you know … your face, your neck, your arms, your hands … they’re not black (unless you’re Minnie Mouse).  Why do you think your legs should be black just because you’re wearing a black dress? 

  Nude and Suntan are such a nice, refreshing look these days when it seems that all we ever see is black. 

Those awful ‘fashion experts’ 

  If you’ve read this blog, you know how I detest those people called fashion experts.  They probably gave themselves that title.  Since my post, “Why not pantyhose and open-toe high heels?” remains the most popular on this blog, you know how hard I’ve been on these monkeys for making that “rule” that you can NEVER wear pantyhose with dress sandals.  

Veteran model and entertainer Christie Brinkley looks incredible in sheer nude pantyhose, especially in those open-toe high heels.

  It still amazes me that everyday people seek out the advice of these fashion gurus.  It’s not like these guys’ opinions have any more value than your own good judgment, but I still see on Internet threads cases where someone wants to know if it’s OK to wear pantyhose with dress sandals.  Recently, and I love this, I’ve been seeing the fashion police cave a little on this issue.  The last piece of advice I read was that it’s OK as long as the hose is sheer at the toe (well, duh), or (and get this), if it’s thick, opaque hose.  Well, OK, I s’pose that’s better than their previous blanket “NO WAY” answers.  

  I love countering their idiot opinions with the fact that some of today’s most popular Hollywood stars (again, the number 1 influencers of fashion) always wear pantyhose with open-toe high heels.  It’s like these so-called fashion experts think they know better than everyone else, yet, the whole world is doing exactly what they tell us not to do.

Thanks but no thanks 

  The other day, I stumbled across a video made by the stars of the TV show “What Not to Wear.”  I used to watch that show, but after you’ve seen 5,000 episodes, you start to realize it’s pretty much the same story over and over again.  In any case, I never saw the show’s beautiful star, Stacy London, wearing pantyhose, and I hate missed opportunities (meaning a beautiful fashion expert who has great legs, but sadly, doesn’t enhance them with sheer pantyhose).  And now, she’s making TV commercials and still not wearing.  Guess she is squarely behind the bear legs movement. 

  So I was surprised to find a video she and her partner, Clinton Kelly, made, titled “How to wear pantyhose.”  Wait, they are talking about wearing pantyhose?  Well, I certainly wanted to hear what they had to say on the subject.

Not only is singer/songwriter Katy Perry immensely talented, she also has the class and professionalism to always wear pantyhose in public appearances. Now, how can fashion experts ever say that suntan pantyhose don't look good on anyone?

  Turns out their advice was pretty much that most women don’t want to wear pantyhose, but if you do, “That’s cool.”  Kelly advised that if you’re going to wear pantyhose, make it look deliberate; not a half a shade or two off your skin tone, but rather make it appear that you’re intentionally wearing hose, such as opaque tights.  He’s standing next to a mannequin wearing a dark blue dress, with black tights and black shoes.  

  London talks about denier ratings (the sheerness or thickness of the fabric).  Her mannequin is wearing a black dress. London recommends a very low denier (sheer) black pantyhose with a back seam to make it more elegant.  

  OK, I don’t have any real issue with their advice, except that both agreed that whatever you do, you should NEVER wear suntan pantyhose because, Kelly said, “They don’t look good on anybody.”  What?

  Meanwhile, London appears to be wearing some kind of dark blue, almost purple, dress that just didn’t do anything to flatter her lovely figure. 

  And worse, she is wearing some really ugly shoes.  Ironically, it looks as if she is wearing pantyhose (must be my eyes are bad) and if she is wearing, they sure look like suntan to me.  

Here’s the link.  See what you think:

http://video.tvguide.com/What+Not+to+Wear/How+to+Wear+Pantyhose/10335428?autoplay=true

   On one hand, I’m glad they talked about pantyhose, but I am disappointed that they admitted to covering the topic only because they had been getting questions from many viewers about why they don’t talk about pantyhose.  London’s and Kelly’s remarks have a bit of a negative tone about pantyhose, but they didn’t do any real damage.  But look at the face that London makes as she’s signing off.  Her expression seems embarrassed, almost apologetic, for even mentioning pantyhose. 

  What really bothers me is that they put down suntan.  I can tell you suntan is still far-and-away the most popular pantyhose color among devoted wearers.  I love suntan. 

  Fashion experts … whadaya gonna do?

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