Category Archives: Kelly Hu in pantyhose

Grizzly confronts pantyhose maven


Robin Maryland, president, ActSensuous

Robin Maryland,
president, ActSensuous

As my loyal readers know, besides their comments here, I receive tons of private emails concerning everything you can imagine about pantyhose (but, almost always clean and classy, which I appreciate).

Naturally, I’m always interested in hearing the views of others, so I am open to receiving unexpected emails or letters to our P.O. Box.

But nothing could have prepared me for the note that was slipped under my door recently. It was like a scene from the X-Files. It’s almost midnight and I’m still working alone in my office.

With the place dimly lit, I notice an ominous shadow cast under the door jam. I’m a little anxious. Who’d be calling on me at this hour? This can’t be good. Then, a note is slid under my door and the shadow just as suddenly disappears.

Office scene.jpg Typically, I don’t get too excited about a hand-delivered note as long as it’s not a bill or a jury summons.

But this had a strange sense of urgency about it, so I read it at once. Hand-scrawled on scrap paper, it read:

“Dear Rob (I was surprised, as only my closest friends call me Rob),

If you consider yourself a responsible journalist, you won’t pass up the opportunity to expose the discrimination and repression that has been wrought against beardom for the past zillion years or so.”

It was signed simply: The Grizzly

At first, I thought the whole thing was a prank, but the next day an invitation came via a text message (how do these people get my number?) with a time and date to meet The Grizzly at his office (I didn’t know Grizzly bears even have offices) for an exclusive interview. I have to admit, I was filled with some level of trepidation. What could The Grizzly want with me? Was this about my poaching Sarah Jessica Parker — his signature client in his “bear” legs cause? Did he want a piece of me?

So, I reread the note. Yes, he wanted a piece alright. The Grizzly was inviting me to write a piece about … what did he call it … oh, yes, the discrimination and repression of beardom.   Hmmmm, my arch enemy was reaching out to me to shed light on an issue that was troubling not only him, but “all of beardom.” (I hadn’t realized there’s a beardom.)

While I probably should have thought better of the idea, the curiosity was too much for me to “bear” (yuk yuk), so I accepted the invitation, and a limousine arrived for me the next morning. Wow, The Grizzly certainly has a sense of class and style, sending a limo for me.  And it was a nice ride to a more well-to-do neighborhood than I expected.

Welcome .jpg FinalThe entrance and driveway were impressive enough, and then I looked up at a very large and really tall house before The Grizzly came out to meet me. I was shocked at how big this guy really is. Must be 14 feet tall, and I couldn’t even begin to guess how much he weighs.   I was certain my kung fu would be of no use against such a specimen.  I had willingly walked into the bear’s domain and was on my own now.

To my relief, The Grizzly was quite formal and engaging. He invited me into his office. He called it the den. (I thought that was clever.)   It was warm and cozy, kind of like a man cave, only he’s a Grizzly, so I’d have to say it was a bear cave. He took a seat in the den in a plush chair that probably should have been a lot bigger.  

He got right to the point:

“Being The Grizzly is no picnic,” he said.

Picnic BearI stifled a giggle. “No picnic.” That was cute. Bears certainly are linked to picnics, I thought, and I couldn’t stop this image from forming in my head.   But somehow he must have gotten that same image because in his version, the bear’s picnic basket was packed generously with ActSensuous pantyhose for food.

“Don’t get me wrong,” he continued. “I mean, yeah, I’m at the top of the food chain and all in my world.  But people are really missing the point here. If it weren’t for my role as champion of the bare legs cause, no one would care about bears.”

“Wait a minute, you mean you represent that ugly subculture of women who hate pantyhose just for the attention,” I asked?

“Oh, it’s all PR,” he said. “I do it strictly for the image.”

“Seriously, Grizzly bears have an image problem,” I asked?

“Think about it,” he said. “What kind of images do you associate with bears?”

Brown bear taxiHe was right. The first thing that came to my mind was hunting. Then, all kinds of terrible thoughts hit me, such as a mounted bear inside a cabin at a resort, and those huge bear skin rugs in front of fireplaces.

“Come to think of it, there are a lot of dreadful things humans associate with bears,” I admitted, swallowing hard.

“Yeah, well, that aint the half of it, sister,” he said. “Bears have been pushed around, disrespected and abused since time immemorial.

So, look, you showed up, proving you’re a responsible journalist after all. You want to hear my story, and will you print it in your blog?”

I agreed. And so the interview began. And, being true to my part of the agreement, here is the transcript of the interview between myself and The Grizzly:

The interview

Interview with The Grizzly


Robin: So, you’re saying bears have always had it bad?

Grizz movie posterGrizzly: Oh yeah, we get no respect. Never have. From always being depicted as the bad guys in movies, to being falsely accused of terrorizing campers … heck, just in everyday life, you humans are always dissing bears.

Robin: Really, always in everyday life? Gimme an example.            

Grizzly:  How much time you got?   There are so many examples.  Take everyday phrases you people say, using my species’ namesake.  They’re all negative:  There’s “Bear with me” when you’re taking too long to accomplish something. There’s “I can’t bear it” when you’re dealing with a hardship. There’s “bear down” when you’re taking on a difficult project. And then, there’s my all-time favorite: “Does a bear sh** in the woods?”

Robin: (Again, I tried not to laugh, remembering I had said after reading The Grizzly’s note in my office: “… the curiosity was too much for me to bear.”)

Robin: Well, I’m not sure you had to include that last one, but OK, I’ll give you that there are many things people say that have a negative connotation toward bears, although  really, they’re not intended that way. Still, there’s at least one positive “bear” phrase you should like.

Grizzly: Yeah, what’s that?

Robin:   “I come bearing gifts.”   

Grizzly: I come baring legs.

Robin: Haaaaaaa, good one!

Grizzly: Sorry, couldn’t resist. You walked right in to that one.

Robin: Yeah, I tend to do that.  I mean, I’m here, aint I?   But, really, not all movies make you the bad guy.

Grizzly: Name one that doesn’t.

Robin: Everybody loves Baloo the Bear in the movie, The Jungle Book. “Look for the bear necessities …”

Grizzly: Please stopping singing that.  I won’t be able to get that song out of my head for weeks now. Anyway, humans think that movie is cute, but at its essence, it’s embarrassing at best to bears.

Robin: Really?  Sorry to hear that.  OK, what about Smoky the Bear?  He’s certainly a good guy. He ought to be a role model for all bears. Heck, you’ve got a poster of him on your wall there.

Grizzly:  He’s … what’s the word I’m looking for … oh yeah, slow.

Robin: What?

Grizzly: Alright, he’s not slow really. But we bears don’t care for him.  He’s a little too chummy with you humans.

Robin: OK, that’s a bit disturbing to hear, especially now.   I think he’s a positive and endearing figure. We humans love Smoky the Bear.

Grizzly: Remember, only YOU can prevent forest rangers!

Robin: Uh, that’s forest fires.

Grizzly: That’s not how we bears say it.

Robin: OK, now I’m really nervous.  On to a different subject.  Could it be that you’re too defensive about your role in pop culture?

Grizzly: Look, bears have had a bad rap since as far back as the 1800s when that libelous story first came out about three bears and some snot-nosed little brat.

Robin: Goldilocks and the Three Bears?  Oh, c’mon, that’s one of the most popular fairy tales of all time.

Grizzly: Well, it didn’t start out that way. You should Google that title.

Robin: (The Grizzly uses Google?)

Grizzly: Originally, the Goldilocks character was an old hag who busted into a bear family’s cottage all uninvited you know. Today, that’s known as a home invasion. Then, she had the nerve to eat up their porridge and try to stay.  Nowadays, you call that squatting. And then, when the bear family comes home, she freaks out and bolts, accidentally falling to her death. But, it was the bears who got the blame for that, and we’ve been the bad guys ever since.

Robin:  Yeah, but another author came along later and changed the old hag character into a pretty little girl with golden hair who was actually treated more hospitably by the three bears. What about that?

Grizzly: Oh, sure, that innocent little girl. She broke into the bear family’s cottage, ate up their porridge, broke Baby Bear’s chair and then slept in Papa Bear’s bed.  Little brat probably even peed in the bed. Yet, she’s the hero. Little kids all over the world grow up thinking it’s OK to take advantage of bears, all because Goldilocks became a star.

Robin: Well, it’s just a fairy tale. And, I’d hardly call her a star. In fact, for the most part, Goldilocks has been all but forgotten for years.

Grizzly: Not by bears. We’re reminded of her every time we see a Chevy Chase movie co-starring that blonde who just so happens to be a direct descendant of Goldilocks.

Robin: Who’s that?

Grizzly: You know … Goldie Hawn.                                        

Robin: Ohhhhh, Goldilocks/Goldie Hawn. I get it.

Grizzly:  She had it all, that Goldie Hawn.  Beauty, talent, brains, and she was funny as heck.  And she really was a star. And, I’m sure you love the fact that she was a devoted pantyhose wearer in her day.

No matter the role or the scene, Goldie Hawn could be counted on to wear sheer nude or suntan pantyhose.

No matter the role or the scene, Goldie Hawn always could be counted on to wear sheer suntan (left) or nude pantyhose (above).

A3823%20Bird%20on%20a%20Wire1

Robin: Well, sure, I loved Goldie Hawn for all her talent and especially because she always wore sheer suntan or nude pantyhose in every movie of hers I ever saw.

But you ought to feel a little vindicated by the fact that Goldie’s actress daughter, Kate Hudson, doesn’t seem to share her mother’s sense of professionalism, class and good taste, to say nothing of femininity.  Shame, too, because the few times she does wear sheer pantyhose, she looks amazing. But for now anyway, it certainly seems she’s more likely to be seen bear-legged.

Grizzly: When you write up the transcript of this interview, how are you going to spell what you just said there?

Robin: What, bear-legged?  Uh, b a r e …

Grizzly: Riiiiiiight.

Robin: Heh heh heh. Well, speaking of that, you mentioned earlier that you champion the whole bear-legs cause just for the PR.  How’s that been working out for you?

Grizzly: During the mid-to-late ‘90s and the entire decade of 2000, it rocked to be The Grizzly. I mean, bare legs was all the rage. Women everywhere were wearing fabulous dresses or skirts, designer shoes with beautiful pedicures and then completely ruining the outfits with their bare legs. That was awesome! It really looked ridiculous, but they were all brainwashed. They even dressed that way at the office. Heck, even to weddings and funerals. Suddenly, bears were getting the love we always deserved.

Robin: Wait, you just said that the bear-legs look was ridiculous. Does that mean you really don’t hate pantyhose?

Grizzly snackGrizzly: No-no, not at all. I love pantyhose. They taste great. They’re my main source of fiber these days. C’mon, you’ve seen the pics. You’ve published them in your blog. Bears everywhere love ripping pantyhose — especially your brand — to shreds.

Listen, I’ve got a whole new image to uphold these days. I told you, I’m in this campaign for the good publicity. If women want to bare their legs in even the most professional or formal of venues, no matter how awful they look, that’s just good for business as far as I’m concerned?

Robin: I’ve never been able to figure out how so many women throughout the world lost their minds this way.     

Grizzly: Oh, you called it from the beginning: It was that whole Sex and the City thing that gave women the idea they could stop wearing pantyhose, coinciding with the casualization of the office in general. This just got women all over the world to jump on that bandwagon until bare legs turned into pop culture. I told you: Humans are easily influenced by a good story and a convincing actress.

Robin: Yeah, you really did have a pretty good run there with Sarah Jessica Parker, didn’t you?

Grizzly: You really shouldn’t remind me about that while you’re in The Grizzly’s den. But, yeah, we had a good thing going for a while there. She had women everywhere fooled for a long time. I still can’t believe you stole my best client.

Robin: Well, I didn’t really steal her from you.  I merely set the record straight. She was just playing a part on TV and in the movies. But it became clear that in real life, she wasn’t truly the pantyhose hater everyone thought she was. I had to give her Credit ‘wear’ Credit is Due.

Grizzly: I gotta admit: It hurt losing SJP. I thought we were close.

Robin: I did feel a little bad about that. But it was touching to see how you tried so hard to win her back. Very romantic you were.

Grizzly: Yeah, I’ll miss her. She and I were good together.

Robin: Actually, I always thought your true signature client was Stacy London.  I see you’ve got that picture of the two of you on your table there.

cid_422344d3-5af2-47c9-8349-8a3b6eeba827

“Fashion consultant” Stacy London of the reality TV show, ‘What Not to Wear,’ received the first Grizzly Award, on Dec. 6, 2011, and she appeared to be quite pleased about it.

Grizzly: Oh, what a great moment for beardom it was when she was bestowed with the inaugural Grizzly Award.   https://actsensuous.wordpress.com/2011/12/06/a-grizzly-goes-to-london/

And, boy, does Stacy London deserve it.  Still, SJP was a bigger star.  And the damage she did, whether intentionally or not, was good enough to sustain the bare-legs cause for probably a while to come still.                    

Robin: You might be right about that, but surely, you’ve noticed that it’s been more and more difficult for me to find a celebrity who’s truly deserving of The Grizzly Awards.

Grizzly: I have noticed that. And don’t call me Shirley.

Robin: Good gosh, who knew The Grizzly has a sense of humor?

Grizzly: Hey, I told you: It’s all about the PR, and humor is my calling card. But to answer your question, yes, membership in the bare legs club definitely has waned recently.  I mean there are still a few celebs who — since the opportunity to not wear was created in the first place — probably will never wear pantyhose again. I’ll go through my Rolodex and send you some names.

Robin: Really, you’d do that for me?  Wow, what a guy.  Wait a minute, you have a Rolodex?

Grizzly: Hey, you know the saying: “Keep your friends close, and your enemies over for dinner.” Or, something like that.

Robin: Uhhhhh, let’s be friends, not enemies, shall we?

Grizzly:  You really shouldn’t consider me the enemy. After all, I made you.                     

Robin:  Uhhhhhh, I’m sorry, come again?

Grizzly:  C’mon, your blog would be just another pile of dull crap about pantyhose on the Internet if it weren’t for The Grizzly Awards and your whole “bear” legs thing.  I have to admit, that was very clever.

Robin: Yeah, thanks, but I don’t know about that whole “you made me thing.” I kinda think I’ve made you. If you weren’t the face (or the legs, actually) of the “bear”-legs franchise, what would you being doing right now … stealing pic-i-nic baskets?

Grizzly: Oh, that was low …

Robin: Hey, it’s one more example of how you’re wrong about humans’ feelings toward bears. Everyone loves Yogi, ya know.

Grizzly: Uh, yeah, he’s a bit slow, too.

Robin: Oh boy!  OK, let’s get back to the fact that it’s increasingly difficult for me to find a celebrity today who is truly deserving of The Grizzly Awards because even if one thinks of her as a bear legger, at least occasionally, she can be seen wearing pantyhose. I don’t want to be thought of as unjustly attacking a celebrity who might be loved by many in either the pantyhose or the bear-legs camps. It would be too easy for someone to counter with: “Wait a minute, look at this picture: She was wearing pantyhose for this occasion, or at that venue.”   I could lose credibility if I pick on someone who does wear at least once in a while.

Grizzly: No, no, no, you gotta go with the percentages, kiddo. There are still quite a few celebs out there who wear pantyhose out and about — and I know how much you love that — but then, they go bare-legged to a formal ceremony, such as The Oscars or The Grammy Awards.  And I know how much you hate that.

Robin: Exactly. I truly hate that.

Grizzly: So present them with The Grizzly Awards already.

Robin: I would, but sometimes the lines are a bit blurred. It’s tough to tell who’s who in this contest.

Grizzly: C’mon, you know who these people are. I know a part of you feels it would be the right thing to do to hand out The Grizzly Award to Sandra Oh. Am I right? You know I’m right. You really do want to give Sandra Oh the coveted Grizzly Award, don’t you? It’s OK, you can say it. Everyone knows you do. You never see that chick in pantyhose, but you’re torn because the few times she did wear in the past, you think she looked amazing, and you loved her, and now you don’t want to make her look bad.

Robin: Man, you got me pegged.   How do you know these things? Who’ve you been talking with?

Grizzly:  Hellooooo, I read your blog, ya know. Want me to name others just like Sandra Oh?

Robin: Oh, please do. Wait, you read my blog? What a day this is turning into. The things I’m learning here.                                                         

Grizzly: OK, buckle your seatbelt. This aint gonna be pretty. You will not like some of these, but if you’re honest, you’ll have to admit I’m right.

Robin: Go for it.

Grizzly: Let’s just stay on the whole Asian theme. Your beloved Asian actresses you think are so wonderful. Here we go: Bai Ling, Devon Aoki, Gong Li, Jamie Cheung, Joan Chen, Lucy Liu, Maggie Q, Michelle Yeoh — that’s right, I said Michelle Yeoh. That one particularly hurts, doesn’t it?

Robin: Yes, that one really kills me. And the others hurt too.

Grizzly: But wait, there’s more: Jun Ji-hyun, Marie Matiko (has she ever worn a pair of pantyhose in her entire life?), Moon Bloodgood, Olivia Munn, Uhm Jung-hwa.

Robin: Stop, stop already. I love all of them, and they’ve each been known to wear pantyhose so beautifully, at least once in a while. You’re cruel.

Grizzly: Talk to the paw, Honey, talk to the paw. I just call ‘em as I see ‘em.

Robin: Well, you are right about Marie Matiko. I have never ever seen a single picture of her wearing pantyhose.  And that is so strange, as she is Japanese and wearing sheer pantyhose is practically the law in Japan.  I guess Marie Matiko is too Americanized to care.

BLV

But including Jun Ji-hyun (aka Jun Ji-hyeon, aka Gianna Jun) on your list is baffling to me.   Ji-Hyun wears pantyhose 10 times more frequently than all of those actresses you mentioned combined.  With me, she’ll always get credit for her starring role in the movie Blood: The Last Vampire (above), as she wore sheer nude pantyhose with her Japanese schoolgirl outfit.  (Note: Jun Ji-hyun, featured in this blog a few years ago, actually is Korean.)

https://actsensuous.wordpress.com/2011/05/16/a-treat-when-pantyhose-show-up-unexpectedly/

fullsizephoto365739

Jun Ji-hyun attends a press conference for her movie, The Thieves, a few years ago in Korea.

But, here’s the thing: She often appears wearing sheer pantyhose while attending press conferences (right) and movie premiers, and when performing in television commercials.

And if that weren’t enough, she’s also a professional model who almost always wears sheer pantyhose to cover some of the biggest international fashion magazines (below).

Yes, I love Jun Ji-hyun.

september-issue-2013-fashion-vogue-korea-jeon-ji-hyun

Jun Ji-hyun covers a recent edition of  fashion magazine, Vogue, in Korea.

Grizzly:  Yeah, yeah … OK, fine.  I’ll give you that one.   I can understand why you’re so high  on her.

She does seem to do everything right in your world.

Robin: Yes, she really is a class act in every way.  She is a very popular actress, beloved for her romantic comedies, which is why it was a such a surprise that she starred in Blood: The Last Vampire, and did an excellent job transitioning into a physical/martial arts genre.

And she certainly sets a great example for younger Asian celebs, who might otherwise attempt to emulate the way  Hollywood celebrities dress.

Robin: OK, so can we stop now?

Grizzly: Sure.

Robin: Thank you.

Grizzly: Kelly Hu.

Robin: Who?

Grizzly: Kelly H … Oh, OK, I see.   You got me with that one.   Niiiiiiiiice.

Robin: Sorry, couldn’t resist. Yeah, Kelly Hu — a gorgeous woman with great legs. Such a waste that she seems to never have heard of the word, pantyhose. Sure, there’s the extremely rare time when she wears black tights or fishnets with high boots, but that doesn’t count in my book. Why hide those legs in pantyhose under boots?

Grizzly: See what I mean? You’ve got a lot of choices to hand out a Grizzly Award. Want me to name the non-Asian celebs now?

Robin: No.

Grizzly: Amy Adams, Angelina Jolie, Eva Longoria, Gabrielle Anwar, Jennifer Aniston, Julianna Margulies, Leah Remini, Mila Kunis, Morena Baccarin, Rachel McAdams, Renee Zellweger, Robin Tuney, Sandra Bullock, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Sarah Shahi, Teri Hatcher, Yancy Butler …

Robin: But …

Grizzly: Yeah?

Robin: OK, fine.  Darn, those are some good names on your list. What happened to them? Of course, pantyhose lovers are happy that Julianna Margulies wears sheer nude pantyhose on The Good Wife, but she never wears during a late night talk show, and I’m guessing never to an awards show, or even when she’s out and about. That means she wears on The Good Wife only because she has to. If it were up to her, I’m sure she wouldn’t wear on that show.

Grizzly: Now you’re getting it. You’ve just been looking at it all wrong.

Robin:  Oh my goodness, I’m so confused now.

Grizzly: Listen, just because you’ve seen each one of them wear pantyhose in the past, or even recently on a TV show, or in a movie, you have to look at their complete body of work.   Most of them, left to their own devices, are going to go bare-legged. There really are a few of them who most definitely deserve to receive The Grizzly Award. In fact, I’ve got  one I am sure you’ve never thought of, whom I would venture to say has never worn pantyhose a day in her whole life.

Robin: Really?  Oh, do tell, do tell.

Grizzly:  I don’t want to spoil it for your readers by mentioning her here now. Tell you what … I’ll text you later, and you’ll agree with me. Then, she can be your next recipient of The Grizzly Awards.

Robin: Oh, c’mon, just give me a hint? (Wait a minute … The Grizzly can text?)

Grizzly: OK, sure. Actually, it might be fun for your readers. They know these things. In fact, they’ve probably already thought of this one. She’s an actress in her mid-30s and her initials are JB. I guarantee you won’t be able to find a single picture of her in sheer pantyhose.

Robin: Really? Can’t wait to learn who this one is.

Grizzly: Yeah, and here’s another candidate for you. Her initials are BB.

Robin: Game show host?

Grizzly: Bingo.

Robin: Yeah, I hate her. She’s gorgeous, but totally unprofessional. She never wears. She definitely deserves to receive The Grizzly Award. Actually, I wish Grizzlies would just eat her. No one I know would mind if a Grizzly just devoured her.

Readers, know the celebs (JB and BB) The Grizzly and Robin are talking about?  Tell us who they are via email (robin@actsensuous.com), and if you’re right, win one or two free pairs of ActSensuous pantyhose.

Receive one free pair for correctly naming one celebrity; get two free pairs for correctly naming both.

Only one email entry per reader please.

 

Grizzly: Now you’re coming around. You’ve been too nice, especially, when it comes to the borderline types. I say even though they used to be consistent pantyhose-wearers, if they have been seen more often bare-legged, they’re fair game for you.

Robin: Geez, you’re right, Grizz.  I really don’t understand some of these people.

Grizzly: Hey, listen, they don’t call it Hollyweird for nothing. (Grizz? Only my closest friends call me Grizz.)                                                   

Rob: OK, now on the other hand … check that … on the other paw (snicker), who would you say are some of the more famous celebrities who never bought in to the bear-legs culture from the get-go, or at least the ones who most consistently wear pantyhose for all the right reasons.

Grizz: Oh, you gotta go with Anne Hathaway, Christine Baransky, Christie Brinkley, Jessica Alba, Kim Basinger, Katie Holmes, Megan Fox, Meredith Vieira, Milla Jovovich, Nicole Kidman, Penelope Cruz, Salma Hayek, Sofia Vergara, Zooey Deschanel, and of course, that gal named Kate who’s now in England.

Rob: Oh, yes, Kate Middleton should get a Nobel Peace Prize for practically bringing pantyhose back from the grave. That’s very good. You really know your celebs.

Grizz: Rosario Dawson.

Rob: I’m sorry …

Grizz: Rosario Dawson.

Nickelodeon's 24th Annual Kids' Choice Awards - ArrivalsRob: Oh my goodness, you are soooooo right again. She is extremely classy all the time. I don’t think she ever bought in to that whole bear-legs deal. That lovely woman always wears the most sheer, sexy pantyhose and looks absolutely stunning in them.

Note: Well, that’s what I thought anyway. In doing a search on the Internet for a current picture to use here, I didn’t see one new picture of Rosario wearing pantyhose since the many I had filed away during the past few years.  That makes me wonder whether she ultimately gave in to the pressure from other bear-legged celebrities. That would be such a shame.

Grizz:  Now, listen: I’ve given up some good leads for those who deserve consideration for your Credit “wear” Credit is Due feature.   That, and because you stole my signature client away from me, it’s time for a little quid pro quo here. I want the name of the celebrity you feel is the most devoted bare-legger, the one you hate the most, to replace SJP as my signature client. C’mon, give it up. Who’s my next recipient of the prestigious Grizzly Awards?

Rob: OK, sure, that’s fair. Here’s a hint for you: Her first name is the same as the main character on that show that is generally credited with starting the bear-legs movement.

Grizz: OK, Carrie Bradshaw of Sex and the City. Carrie … Carrie … Ohhhhhhhh, Carrie Underwood. Yeah, good one. I’ll take her. That’s a great trade.

Rob: Yeah, I really hate that bimbo. How unprofessional of her to perform the Sunday Night Football theme song in bear legs and cowboy boots in back-to-back seasons. And, in every appearance she makes on other shows I’ve seen, she does the whole bear legs thing. That one has zero class. You can have her and keep her. And please eat her, too.  I don’t ever want to have to look at those pasty white bony legs of hers again.

b7Grizz: OK, done. By the way, I will say this: You’ve definitely nailed the one young celeb who really deserves all the praise you’ve heaped upon her and the huge amount of love for how devoted to pantyhose she is.

Rob: Oh, I know who you’re talking about — Ariana

Grizz:  Grande. Yes, l can foresee her causing me all kinds of trouble in my efforts to recruit future bare-leggers. She is a gem in your camp. How can a girl that young have so much professionalism, class, grace and femininity during a time when your young people prefer to dress like homeless people?  Does she have stock in your company? Be honest, you’ve bought her, right?

Rob: Haaaaa, I would have, but no, she’s done this completely on her own. I’m as amazed as you are. She certainly appears to be the real deal, and I hope she stays that way because right now, she’s one in a million. I know pantyhose lovers everywhere appreciate Ariana for her devotion to wearing sheer pantyhose, not only on stage, but at publicity functions, most often at awards shows, and even just out and about. She is setting such a good example for her young fans, and like Kate Middleton, Ariana, might some day be credited with helping pantyhose make a comeback. Yes, she is almost too good to be true.

Grizz: Exactly, too good to be true. So enjoy her while you can.

Rob: Wait. What do you mean by that?

Grizz: Oh you know as well as I do that good things like her don’t last forever. You’ll see. Whatever it is that causes her to dress so nicely and wear sheer pantyhose is likely to change some day, and then I will be there to scoop her up. She’ll be my new prized client.

Rob: Now that would be a real shame. I hope you’re wrong. OK, now here’s one more thing I’ve been dying to ask you about. Hope you’re ready because this one hits close to home.

Grizz: Fire away …

Rob: What’s with so many celebs, professional models and even everyday ladies from all over the world wearing pantyhose while hobnobbing with bears? I would have thought you’d forbid “beardom” (love that word) from partaking in such debauchery. Yet, it’s out there. Some very beautiful ladies wearing pantyhose while snuggling with bears.

Grizz: Oh, sure, throw that in my face.

Rob: Warned ya.

 Grizz: I’ll have to see it to believe it.

 Rob: You will when you see my finished piece. I think you’ll find it disturbing, this trend of beautiful models and other celebs getting all lovey dovey with bears.

Grizz: I’ll tell you right now, those must be rogue bears who are not part of the union.   I can’t be held accountable for their actions.

 Rob: Well, I like the pics because they bring closer those who should be enemies. Kind of like you and me, Grizz.

Grizz: Don’t push it, Rob. I haven’t eaten yet and I’m as hungry as a bear.

And with that, the interview ended and Grizz walked me out, stopping in the family room this time where he proudly showed off his family portrait.

Bear tour

And don’t think I didn’t notice all the other bear memorabilia in the room where Grizz’s cubs play, including the Goldilocks and the Three Bears dolls, the books, and all the Chicago Bears fan stuff.

In any case, what I had feared would be an uncomfortable meeting turned out to be anything but. The Grizzly was professional and classy. He was even cute and charming. I left feeling like I’d made a new friend. But I ain’t going out to eat with him. That’s for sure.

As I was getting in the limo to return to my office, I thought of my best question, so I blurted out:

“Hey, Grizz. If bears have had it so bad for so long, how are you able to live in a great house like this and have a limo driver at your disposal?”

Farewell Grizzly Candy“When it’s important to maintain a big image these days, one must diversify,” he said. “That’s why I invented these a long time ago.”

Gummy Bears!  Wouldn’t you just know it?  And I had been feeling sorry for Grizz. Looks like he’s in the game for the long haul, just like me. And that’s a good thing. We are good for one another.

 

My thanks to J. Aton of ATON DIGITAL STUDIOS for his original artwork for ActSensuous. Check out  J. Aton’s artist website and online portfolio at www.atondigitalstudios.com


 Pantyhose babes hobnobbing with bears

 

bearloungepage

The late Elizabeth Montgomery, perhaps best known for her portrayal of Samantha Stevens in the 1960s TV sitcom, “Bewitched,” was friendly with at least one bear.

 

 

Happy New Year to our Chinese and other Asian friends


Xin nian yu kuai.

Robin Maryland,president, ActSensuous

Robin Maryland,
president, ActSensuous

To our many Chinese customers, readers and my friends, Xie-Xie Ni for your loyalty to ActSensuous.

And to our Japanese, Korean, Thai and Vietnamese customers, and all our Asian friends who celebrate the Chinese New Year, ActSensuous wishes you much happiness, good health, prosperity and love in 2013, and always.

And now, in alphabetical order by how they’re most known (some by first name, others by last name):

Ann Curry:  You are amazing.  In addition to being a great journalist, you are classy, elegant and beautiful.  Thank you for always having the professionalism and sense of femininity to always wear sheer pantyhose.

Bai Ling:  You are an incredible actress, but you have become too Hollywierd and don’t choose the best roles.  You are unusually beautiful, but never moreso than when you wear a nice dress, pretty high heels and sheer pantyhose.  Thank you for the few times you do.  More than anyone else, you don’t let anyone or any movement determine what you wear.  I love it when you dress elegantly, especially when you wear sheer pantyhose.  But please, less sheer black, and more nude or suntan.

Gong Li was never more beautiful than in her role in the movie, "Miami Vice," wear she wore elegant suits and sheer nude pantyhose.

Gong Li was never more beautiful than in her role in the movie, “Miami Vice,” where throughout most of the film, she wore elegant suits and sheer nude pantyhose.

Gong Li:  You are devastatingly beautiful. You have the face of an angel from heaven.  And you have great legs and the most gorgeous feet in the whole world.  You are very strong-minded and strong-willed.  Please don’t follow a fashion trend. You always dress elegantly.  Just please wear sheer nude pantyhose more often. The few times you do, you rule the universe.

Jeon Ji-hyeon:  Loved you in “Blood, the Last Vampire” and “My Sassy Girl” and “Snowflower and the Secret Fan.”   You are incredibly beautiful.  You are one of the few young models/actresses out there who frequently wears beautiful outfits, including sheer pantyhose.  Thank you, and please continue to live up to the reputation Asian women have for carrying themselves with poise, class, grace and ultra femininity.

Joan Chen:  Wear have you been?  You are an awesome actress, and you are stunningly beautiful.  I’ve never seen you in a movie (other than a period piece) in which you didn’t wear sheer nude pantyhose when wearing a dress.  Yet, I can find only about six pictures of you in pantyhose. Someone as feminine and glamorous as you should live in a dress, high heels and sheer pantyhose.  Please, Joan.

Chinese actress, singer and model Karen Mok is a devoted pantyhose wearer.

Chinese actress, singer and model Karen Mok is a devoted pantyhose wearer.

Karen Mok:  You are the coolest of them all.  You are gorgeous, but you’re also just plain cute.  And you are known for your killer legs.  And you are appreciated by those in the know for being one of the few who always can be depended on to wear sheer pantyhose for all the right occasions and venues.

As adorable as you are, you have so much class.  You’re also very intelligent.  I think you speak five languages, you are a singer, dancer, model, actress, and now a wife.  Congratulations.  And really, I cannot thank you enough for your devotion to wearing sheer pantyhose.  You are amazing.  Please don’t ever change.

Kelly Hu, what in the world?  I’ve seen you in sheer pantyhose I think once.  You are gorgeous.  What are you thinking?  Please give the world the gift of seeing you in a dress, high heels and sheer nude pantyhose.  Oh my goodness, you’d be a total knockout.

Lucy Liu, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t adore you, but please lose those ugly think black tights and go back to wearing nude or suntan sheer pantyhose.  You really look incredible in them.  In a poll on this blog, “Which Asian actress do you most want to see in pantyhose?”, you are far and away the Number One choice.  When I see rare pics of you in sheer nude pantyhose, I shake my head in wonder at how anyone who looks that beautiful in them would ever choose not to wear them as often as you do.

Chinese actress Maggie Cheung always could be counted on to wear sheer pantyhose in her many movies and ads.

Chinese actress Maggie Cheung always could be counted on to wear sheer pantyhose in her many movies and ads.

Maggie Cheung:  Where, oh, where have you been, Maggie?  Back in the day, no one had more incredibly beautiful legs than you.  And you always wore sheer pantyhose.  In the Jackie Chan, Michelle Yeoh movie, “SuperCop” you played a tour guide and when you stepped off the bus in that short skirt, high heels and sheer nude pantyhose, I thought you were a total goddess.  Even today, in the rare pictures I see of you, you’re usually wearing pantyhose.  So, thank you, Maggie.  I’d just like to see you more often.

Maggie Q:  How adorable you are.  You are super talented.  You are becoming a great actress, yet, you maintain a sweet and genuine quality. Good for you.  I thought I was never going to see you in sheer pantyhose, but all of a sudden, during this season of “Nikita,” you are wearing them much more often, and looking great.  Thank you for that.

Michelle Yeoh:  You are still my favorite.  I think Zhang Ziyi is the most gorgeous woman in the world, but to me, you are the most beautiful woman in the world.  The difference?  To me, beautiful means so much more than just physical beauty.  You are so professional, so classy, so caring, so devoted to good causes.  You are a kind and good person.  But, Michelle, you have never been more lovely in your whole life than when you wear sheer nude pantyhose.  Lately, you’ve been doing the “bear”-legs thing during public appearances.

Malyasian actress and humanitarian Michelle Yeoh is considered by moviemakers to be the most professional in the business.

Malyasian actress and humanitarian Michelle Yeoh is considered by moviemakers to be the most professional in the business.

I once read a comment you made in a magazine interview about Asian women having surgery to change their single-eyelid, and you admonished them, saying something to the effect of “Don’t change your appearance to meet Western standards of beauty.”  I was so happy you said that.  I think the single-eyelid is one of the things that makes Asian women so beautiful.  But, Michelle, you have been following the fashion trend started by Western women of going “bear”-legged.  You are way too professional and have way too much class and elegance to allow yourself to dress the way these Hollywierd celebrities do.

Please, Michelle, do what you know is right — dress those lovely legs of yours in sheer pantyhose, the way you did many times during premiere or publicity events for “The Lady.”  You must have felt the occasion called for a more formal look, and you made the right decision in wearing pantyhose.  And you looked incredible.  Please dress this way more often. You are the most visible Asian actress in the world.  Asian women are known for dressing more elegantly and femininely than Western women. You are the perfect role model for all Asian women.  You could set such a good example for all the other Asian celebrities.  Please do that, Michellle.

The few times Korean actress Sandra Oh wears an elegant outfit with sheer pantyhose, she is among the most beautiful Asian stars.

The few times Korean actress Sandra Oh wears an elegant outfit with sheer pantyhose, she is among the most beautiful Asian stars.

Sandra Oh:  The same goes for you.  You can do the slob routine as well as the typical Westerner.  But you just as often wear some fantastic dresses and awesome shoes.

And here’s something many people probably don’t realize — you have gorgeous feet.  But it is so rare (if ever these days) to see you in sheer nude or suntan pantyhose.

You really should go back and look at the pictures of you in that TV series you starred in, ‘Arliss,” about the sports agent, your movies “Last Night,” Double Happiness” and “Bean.”

How can someone who looks as incredible as you do in sheer pantyhose opt to go bare-legged, or almost worse, wear those thick black ugly tights.  Yuk.  You have great legs, Sandra.  They’ve never looked better than in sheer pantyhose.

Shu Qi:  You made a movie titled “Gorgeous,” and you are.  And you’re the cutest Asian actress ever.  More than most others, you are a frequent wearer of sheer pantyhose and you look incredible when you do.

For a good portion of the movie, "The Transporter," Chinese actress/model Shu Qi wore a lovely outfit with sheer nude pantyhose.

For a good portion of the movie, “The Transporter,” Chinese actress/model Shu Qi wore a lovely outfit with sheer nude pantyhose.

You were never more lovely and adorable than in “The Transporter.”  Here’s what petite women don’t seem to understand: Nothing looks better on you than a short skirt and high heels.  And, in “The Transporter,” that’s what you wore, with very sheer nude pantyhose.  Your legs never looked prettier.  Thank you, Shu Qi.  You are awesome.

Tia Carrere:  What happened to you?  You have disappeared.  I don’t know what you’re up to, and in the few pics I’ve seen of you, you’re doing the “bear”-legged thing.  I don’t know why because in your day, every movie I saw you in, you were wearing a dress, high heels and sheer nude or suntan pantyhose.  And, oh my gosh, did you have incredible legs.  You had to know that those pantyhose made your legs.  Yet, today, you’ve turned your back on them.  I don’t know why.  But thank you for how incredible you looked in pantyhose, particularly in “Wayne’s World,” High School High,” and “True Lies.”

Korean actress/singer Uhm Jung-hwa was deadly but delicious in sheer pantyhose in "Princess Aurora."

Korean actress/singer Uhm Jung-hwa was deadly but delicious in sheer pantyhose in “Princess Aurora.”

Uhm Jung-hwa:  You broke my heart in “Princess Aurora.”  What a beautiful, sad and powerful movie.  And what an amazing acting job, Jung-hwa.  I became a fan for life.  I know you also are an awesome model and singer/stage performer in Korea.

I know you always wear sexy outfits, including sparkly tights or sheer pantyhose during your performances. But it’s the look you portray in your movies that make me a fan. I’ve tried to buy all your movies on DVD, but only a handful are available to the U.S.  I’ve got four so far, but for me, “Princess Aurora” will always be the one that defines you.  You looked stunningly beautiful in that role, and I love that you wore sheer nude pantyhose throughout the movie, including during the fight scene with that lawyer.  Wow. Thank you for your commitment to femininity.  Still, I wish you were a more frequent pantyhose wearer when making public appearances.  I just hope you realize that, as beautiful as you look in everything you wear, you look twice as amazing in pantyhose.

Chinese actress Zhang Ziyi, speaking during a media event last year in Toronto, routinely dresses professionally and beautifully, including wearing sheer pantyhose.

Chinese actress Zhang Ziyi, speaking during a media event last year in Toronto, routinely dresses professionally and beautifully, including wearing sheer pantyhose.

Zhang Ziyi:  Fittingly, your name allows me to save the best for last. I think you are the most gorgeous woman who has ever walked the planet. From head to toe, you are perfect.  In your movies, you are exciting, thrilling, powerful, beautiful, cute and funny.  You are amazing.  Of course, most of the movies you’ve made are kung fu period pieces, so no pantyhose.  But among all the other fabulous qualities you possess, I respect, admire and greatly appreciate you for being extremely professional, classy, glamourous and the very definition of feminine.  No one is more feminine than you.

And thank you, ZZ, for more often than not wearing sheer pantyhose when you make public appearances.  I’ll say this though:  If anyone could get away with NOT wearing pantyhose, it’s you.  You look incredible even bare-legged (no “bear” description for you.)  Still, when you do wear pantyhose, you are breathtakingly beautiful, and extremely sexy.  Also, while I said Gong Li has the most gorgeous feet of anyone, your’s are right there, too.  So please realize that nothing makes pretty feet look even prettier than sheer nylons. Thank you, Ziyi, for being such a perfect example for women everywhere.  You are the best ever and my hero.

Of course, there are many other Asian celebrities I could have mentioned, but this blog post would have gotten too long if I thanked each one individually.

Likewise, I know that there are a million Asian everyday women out there who go to work, go shopping, go to school, go to the grocery store, or just hang out — almost always wearing pantyhose.  I’ve heard that many Japanese housewives in particular wear pantyhose.  Now that is the ultimate commitment to beauty, grace and femininity.

My thanks to Asian women all over the world because it is common knowledge that you are more devoted pantyhose wearers than women of all other nationalities.

To all of you, Happy Chinese New Year 2013.

Professional tennis champion Li Na presents an autographed photo to a fan during a publicity event held by a sponsor, ice cream maker Haagen-Dazs, in 2011 in China.

Professional tennis champion Li Na presents an autographed photo to a fan during a publicity event held by a sponsor, ice cream maker Haagen-Dazs, in 2011 in China.

And, finally, to Li Na: I love you so much.  You are my all-time favorite WTA player.  Since I have the Tennis Channel on DirecTV, I can watch every match you play during the Grand Slam events.

It broke my heart that you didn’t win the Australian Open last month.  I rooted and cheered during every shot you made, and I will be there for you during the upcoming French Open, hoping you can repeat as the 2011 champion there, Wimbledom and the U.S. Open.

I hope you win them all, but whether you do or not, you are nothing but a winner in life.

Li Na, you are the most powerful, yet, graceful player in the WTA. You are the most fierce competitor, yet, the most gracious person.  You have so much class.  And you have the best smile ever.  Ni hen mei li, Li Na.

Oh, and you have the most beautiful legs of any player in the WTA.  Sadly, I’ve got only one picture of you wearing pantyhose, and not surprisingly, you look incredible in them.  I hope to see you wearing pantyhose more often, but whether you do or not, I will always love you.

Now, please enjoy these pictures of some of my favorite Asian celebrities:

American actress of Chinese heritage, Joan Chen almost always can be seen in sheer pantyhose in her movie roles.

American actress of Chinese heritage Joan Chen almost always can be seen in sheer pantyhose in her movie roles.

Chinese superstar Zhang Ziyi, mostly known to Western audiences for her roles in such movies as “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon,” “Memoirs of a Geisha,” “Hero,” and “Rush Hour 2,” isn’t seen in pantyhose much because her roles are set in ancient China. But, as she is frequently the recipient of awards, and during other public appearances, the gorgeous and talented actress most-often shows up (quite beautifully) in sheer pantyhose.

Zhang Ziyi

Zhang Ziyi

Actress/model Shu Qi likely is best known to Western audiences for her role in the movie, “The Transporter,” starring Jason Statham.

Western audiences might also recognize Taiwan actress Shu Qi from the Jackie Chan movie, appropriately named (for her) “Gorgeous.”

The always professional and lovely TV journalist/anchor Ann Curry.

Actress Maggie Cheung might best be known to Western audiences for her roles in the Jackie Chan movies, “Supercop” and “Twin Dragons,” as well as a great character in the Jet Li movie, “Hero.”

Zhang Ziyi

Shu Qi is very professional and can almost always be counted on to wear sheer pantyhose during publicity events and other public appearances.

Zhang Ziyi

Jeon Ji-hyeon (aka Gianna Jun) might best be known to Western audiences for her role in the movie, “Blood, the Last Vampire.”

Zhang Ziyi

Beautiful and elegant singer/actress Uhm Jung-hwa stars in Korean TV series and movies. Publicity photo from the Korean movie, “Insadong Scandal.”

American actress of Chinese descent, Jamie Chung, can be seen in movies, such as “Sucker Punch” and “Premium Rush.”

Karen Mok

Kristin Kreuk

Zhang Ziyi

Fabulous American actress of Chinese descent, Lucy Liu isn’t often seen in pantyhose, and the few times she is, they’re usually black. Too bad because she looks amazing in sheer nude pantyhose.

Maggie Cheung

Maggie Cheung

The fabulous pantyhose-adorned legs of beautiful Chinese Malaysian actress Michelle Yeoh, best known to Western audiences for her roles in “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon,” “Memoirs of a Geisha,” “Supercop,”  “Silver Hawk” and the James Bond movie, “Tomorrow Never Dies,” alongside Pierce Brosnan.

Canadian actress of Korean descent, Sandra Oh, in a scene from the HBO TV series, “Arli$$,” in which Sandra regularly dressed professionally and beautifully in business outfits, including sheer pantyhose.

Sandra Oh played a great part in the movie, “Last Night,” (as in the last night on Earth), in which she wore a red dress, high heels and sheer suntan pantyhose.

Known for her (almost-always pantyhose-adorned) legs, Karen Mok might be recognized by Western audiences for her roles in the Jet Li movie, “The Black Mask,” and the Stephen Chow movie, “Shaolin Soccer.”

Shu Qi might also be known to Western audiences for her role in the Jackie Chan movie, "Gorgeous."

Shu Qi was never more cute and lovely than in her role in the Jason Statham movie, “The Transporter.”

Shu Qi

In addition to her many starring roles in movies, Shu Qi is a professional model.

Sandra Oh during a scene from the movie, “Bean,” in which she wears this awesome outfit, complete with sheer black pantyhose.

American actress of Chinese heritage Tia Carrere could almost always be counted on to wear sheer nude pantyhose, as she does in this scene from the movie, “True Lies.”

Korean actress Uhm Jung-hwa might be known to Western audiences only for her amazing role in the Korean thriller, “Princess Aurora,” occasionally shown on premium movie channels in the U.S.

thriller

As a professional singer, model and actress in Korea, gorgeous  Uhm Jung-hwa most often can be seen wearing sheer nude pantyhose on the job.

Zhang Ziyi

Always-amazing Zhang Ziyi not only is the highest paid actress in China, but also a desired model. Probably the most prolific wearer of sheer pantyhose among all actresses anywhere.

Zhang Ziyi looks incredible even as a blonde.

Almost every time she makes publicity appearances or attends awards ceremonies, Zhang Ziyi  dresses elegantly, complete with sheer pantyhose.

almost

The always-stunning Zhang Ziyi.

Her smile can light up the world, but Zhang Ziyi’s amazing legs, most often adorned in sheer pantyhose, can make the world smile back.

Absolutely perfect Zhang Ziyi.

Zhang Ziyi, second from left.

Zhang Ziyi, second from left.

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